I know this is going to be shocking, but I didn't make it into the Babble's Top 100 Mommy Blogs of 2011. BOO! But I'm kind of OK with it since I didn't even know the list existed until a few minutes ago. But let's be honest - we all know I was probably #101. ANYWHO... So now that I know about it, I see that there is a button to nominate your fav mommy blog for the 2012 edition of the list. If you happen to know of a deserving mommy blog {ah-hem} then please click here and nominate it: http://blogs.babble.com/top-100/nominate/ xoxo, Erica
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Friday, December 16, 2011
A Little Bit Pregnant
They say you can't be a "little bit pregnant". But I totally was. Yes - me. You know... the one who got her tubes tied in June? {Read this for a refresher on that situation: http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/07/all-tied-up.html } Here's what happened...
The week before Deacon's surgery, I started to feel a little funny. Nauseous. Sore boobs. Exhausted. The only times I had all three of those symptoms at the same time was right before I found out I was prego with Miss Paige, and then D. So of course I got a little worried. But because of the enormous amount of stress I was under, I chalked it up to a fluke. I mean - seriously - there is a less than 1% chance of getting pregnant after a tubal ligation procedure. That is pretty much impossible. Or so I thought...
My period was scheduled to come before I went to the hospital with Deacon. But it didn't. So I packed my "supplies" in my hospital bag. But it never came. And so on the day we were scheduled to bring Deacon home after his surgery, I finally fessed up to Daniel - I was over a week late. He reached out for anything to hold on to so he wouldn't pass out. I told him it was probably just stress and stuff because - again, SERIOUSLY - it was pretty much impossible. We decided to see what happened when we went home.
Thursday. Friday. Saturday. NOTHING. So on Sunday I decided it was time to take a pregnancy test just to rule that out. I bought the digital kind - I didn't want any mis-reading of lines or plus signs. I peed. I waited. And in a shocking turn of events - PREGNANT popped up on the screen. WHAT?!?! I gasped and called for my mom (because, in this situation, my mom was the only one who could think rationally and explain how this could happen). We stood there staring at the stick for 30 minutes. Then I called up Daniel and showed him. His reaction? Laughter. Hysterical laughter. As if I told him the funniest joke in the world. He told me I better call the doctor ASAP and figure out what was going on.
At this point everything was running through my mind. Did they forget to cut my tubes? Did they decide I was too young for the procedure and refuse to do it? Did they cut the wrong thing? My mom finally brought up the very real possibility that it could be an ectopic (or tubal) pregnancy. Oh great.
So I called my OB's answering service and got a call back almost immediately. I needed to go in first thing the next morning for an ultrasound to determine where exactly the embryo was - in my uterus? in my fallopian tubes? somewhere else?!
Of course by this point I was getting excited that there may be another baby on the way. I was thinking of names, figuring out how we were going to fit another baby in our home, texting my BFFs with the shocking news. Obviously if I had my tubes tied we didn't want any more biological children. BUT - if I somehow ended up pregnant - I knew this would be a miracle baby and that idea was exciting to me. I was hoping that if there was really an embryo - a baby - forming in my body, that it had somehow made it to my uterus. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
The ultrasound showed there was nothing visible inside my uterus. But it was still so early, they said it was a possibility we just couldn't see it yet. But more than likely the embryo was attached in my fallopian tubes or somewhere else. My urine test at the OB came back positive. They had me take a blood test so they could look at my quantitative and qualitative hCG. My OB checked the paperwork to make sure my fallopian tubes had indeed been "tied" (come to find out they tie them, cut them, remove a small section AND then burn each end during the procedure). They had. I didn't know this, but after the tubal ligation they send a small piece from each fallopian tube to Pathology to confirm it was the fallopian tube that had been cut. At that point, the writing was pretty much on the wall - unless this was the most magical embryo ever formed, there was little to no chance it was in my uterus.
Ready for a quick biology lesson? See, the way a tubal ligation IS SUPPOSED TO work is that you still drop an egg each month, but there is no way for sperm to get to the egg to fertilize it because each fallopian tube has been severed into two separate pieces. Think of taking a hose, bending it in half, then cutting the loop off the top. Then burning each end so it melts together. You would now have two separate pieces of hose. So the unfertilized egg just "reabsorbs" into your body. In an ectopic pregnancy, the egg somehow gets through it's side of the fallopian tube (maybe through a small part that didn't heal properly or where scar tissue formed), the sperm gets through the other side (through something that didn't heal properly on that side), and they meet in the middle. Now you understand why the chances of this happening are less than 1%. So say all that happened - the egg and sperm BOTH busted out of tubes that were - for all intents and purposes - GLUED shut, magically met in the middle, and began to create a baby... Well that embryo could attach anywhere. For it to attach in the uterus, it would have to go back through the same hole in the fallopian tube the sperm snuck out of. And unless this embryo has a GPS unit strapped to it, you can see why this is pretty impossible. So the embryo floats around until it attaches somewhere - possibly your fallopian tube - or maybe your intestines, stomach. It really could end up anywhere.
So I was told I needed to be hyper-alert as to what my body was doing over the next few days. If I felt any pain, lightheadedness or dizziness, etc - I would need to call 911 and be rushed to the hospital immediately. My fallopian tube could be rupturing (because it couldn't handle the rapidly growing embryo) which would cause me to bleed out (and die) pretty quickly. Nice, right? Just what I needed to hear : ) But if the embryo wasn't attached to my fallopian tube, there was a good chance it would stop developing on it's own pretty quickly (due to lack of proper blood supply) and just reabsorb back into my body. And "luckily", that's what happened.
My hCG tests came back "negative" - meaning there wasn't enough hCG present by that point to demonstrate a viable pregnancy. About a week after that, I got my period. I was relieved my body took care of it on its own - if the embryo (baby) couldn't survive and thrive because it wasn't in my uterus, then I would rather have it naturally move through my body (as opposed to something rupturing). It sounds emotional, but it really wasn't too bad. Even though I let myself get excited for a hot second, my logical side figured out pretty quickly that it wasn't going to go anywhere.
And there you have it. For about three weeks, I was technically prego... AGAIN. I think they refer to it as a "chemical pregnancy". "But HOW did it happen?!" you ask? Well - I'll save that for my next post : )
The week before Deacon's surgery, I started to feel a little funny. Nauseous. Sore boobs. Exhausted. The only times I had all three of those symptoms at the same time was right before I found out I was prego with Miss Paige, and then D. So of course I got a little worried. But because of the enormous amount of stress I was under, I chalked it up to a fluke. I mean - seriously - there is a less than 1% chance of getting pregnant after a tubal ligation procedure. That is pretty much impossible. Or so I thought...
My period was scheduled to come before I went to the hospital with Deacon. But it didn't. So I packed my "supplies" in my hospital bag. But it never came. And so on the day we were scheduled to bring Deacon home after his surgery, I finally fessed up to Daniel - I was over a week late. He reached out for anything to hold on to so he wouldn't pass out. I told him it was probably just stress and stuff because - again, SERIOUSLY - it was pretty much impossible. We decided to see what happened when we went home.
Thursday. Friday. Saturday. NOTHING. So on Sunday I decided it was time to take a pregnancy test just to rule that out. I bought the digital kind - I didn't want any mis-reading of lines or plus signs. I peed. I waited. And in a shocking turn of events - PREGNANT popped up on the screen. WHAT?!?! I gasped and called for my mom (because, in this situation, my mom was the only one who could think rationally and explain how this could happen). We stood there staring at the stick for 30 minutes. Then I called up Daniel and showed him. His reaction? Laughter. Hysterical laughter. As if I told him the funniest joke in the world. He told me I better call the doctor ASAP and figure out what was going on.
At this point everything was running through my mind. Did they forget to cut my tubes? Did they decide I was too young for the procedure and refuse to do it? Did they cut the wrong thing? My mom finally brought up the very real possibility that it could be an ectopic (or tubal) pregnancy. Oh great.
So I called my OB's answering service and got a call back almost immediately. I needed to go in first thing the next morning for an ultrasound to determine where exactly the embryo was - in my uterus? in my fallopian tubes? somewhere else?!
Of course by this point I was getting excited that there may be another baby on the way. I was thinking of names, figuring out how we were going to fit another baby in our home, texting my BFFs with the shocking news. Obviously if I had my tubes tied we didn't want any more biological children. BUT - if I somehow ended up pregnant - I knew this would be a miracle baby and that idea was exciting to me. I was hoping that if there was really an embryo - a baby - forming in my body, that it had somehow made it to my uterus. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
The ultrasound showed there was nothing visible inside my uterus. But it was still so early, they said it was a possibility we just couldn't see it yet. But more than likely the embryo was attached in my fallopian tubes or somewhere else. My urine test at the OB came back positive. They had me take a blood test so they could look at my quantitative and qualitative hCG. My OB checked the paperwork to make sure my fallopian tubes had indeed been "tied" (come to find out they tie them, cut them, remove a small section AND then burn each end during the procedure). They had. I didn't know this, but after the tubal ligation they send a small piece from each fallopian tube to Pathology to confirm it was the fallopian tube that had been cut. At that point, the writing was pretty much on the wall - unless this was the most magical embryo ever formed, there was little to no chance it was in my uterus.
Ready for a quick biology lesson? See, the way a tubal ligation IS SUPPOSED TO work is that you still drop an egg each month, but there is no way for sperm to get to the egg to fertilize it because each fallopian tube has been severed into two separate pieces. Think of taking a hose, bending it in half, then cutting the loop off the top. Then burning each end so it melts together. You would now have two separate pieces of hose. So the unfertilized egg just "reabsorbs" into your body. In an ectopic pregnancy, the egg somehow gets through it's side of the fallopian tube (maybe through a small part that didn't heal properly or where scar tissue formed), the sperm gets through the other side (through something that didn't heal properly on that side), and they meet in the middle. Now you understand why the chances of this happening are less than 1%. So say all that happened - the egg and sperm BOTH busted out of tubes that were - for all intents and purposes - GLUED shut, magically met in the middle, and began to create a baby... Well that embryo could attach anywhere. For it to attach in the uterus, it would have to go back through the same hole in the fallopian tube the sperm snuck out of. And unless this embryo has a GPS unit strapped to it, you can see why this is pretty impossible. So the embryo floats around until it attaches somewhere - possibly your fallopian tube - or maybe your intestines, stomach. It really could end up anywhere.
So I was told I needed to be hyper-alert as to what my body was doing over the next few days. If I felt any pain, lightheadedness or dizziness, etc - I would need to call 911 and be rushed to the hospital immediately. My fallopian tube could be rupturing (because it couldn't handle the rapidly growing embryo) which would cause me to bleed out (and die) pretty quickly. Nice, right? Just what I needed to hear : ) But if the embryo wasn't attached to my fallopian tube, there was a good chance it would stop developing on it's own pretty quickly (due to lack of proper blood supply) and just reabsorb back into my body. And "luckily", that's what happened.
My hCG tests came back "negative" - meaning there wasn't enough hCG present by that point to demonstrate a viable pregnancy. About a week after that, I got my period. I was relieved my body took care of it on its own - if the embryo (baby) couldn't survive and thrive because it wasn't in my uterus, then I would rather have it naturally move through my body (as opposed to something rupturing). It sounds emotional, but it really wasn't too bad. Even though I let myself get excited for a hot second, my logical side figured out pretty quickly that it wasn't going to go anywhere.
And there you have it. For about three weeks, I was technically prego... AGAIN. I think they refer to it as a "chemical pregnancy". "But HOW did it happen?!" you ask? Well - I'll save that for my next post : )
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
The Surgery: Craniosynostosis Repair Day 4 - Present
Need to catch up? Here are links to all the Cranio posts in chronological order:
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/07/unexpected-journey-craniosynostosis.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/08/surgeons-and-doctors-and-specialists-oh.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/08/you-have-to-do-what-diagnosis.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/11/pre-surgery-psycosis-preparing-for.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/12/surgery-craniosynostosis-repair-day-1.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/12/surgery-craniosynostosis-repair-day-2.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/12/surgery-craniosynostosis-repair-day-3.html
Day 4: October 27
HOMEWARD BOUND! Yahooooo!
By day 4, it felt like we had been through a war. We were exhausted (mentally and physically), beat up. But our little man was rearing to go. He was wire-free (we were calling him Deacon 2.0) and a smiling ball of energy. It was like nothing had ever happened to him. It's absolutely amazing how quickly he recovered.
Today: December 13
Almost two months past the surgery and Deacon is doing better than ever! The scar is completely healed and the dissolveable stitches have all come out.
And the most amazing part is how quickly he has caught up in his development. Almost immediately after we returned home, I began to notice how much more alert he was. he had a twinkle in his eyes that hadn't been there before. He became interested in solids and began eating purees for the first time a week after he came home. His hair began growing at record speed. He began reaching for things and holding on to them. He's teething now. And just recently he began putting weight on his feet. We found out during a post-op appointment that when they went in to operate, they saw that his brain was pretty compacted and blood flow was definitely limited. That explains a lot of the "delays" that I picked up on before the surgery.
Modern medicine and technology is a beautiful thing. I am so thankful that God blessed our doctors with the knowledge and true genius to do what they do. I could never thank them enough.
And now we are here - on the other side of Craniosynostosis. Happy. Healthy. Healed. And thankful each and every day.
The Surgery: Craniosynostosis Repair Day 3
Need to catch up? Here are links to all the Cranio posts in chronological order:
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/07/unexpected-journey-craniosynostosis.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/08/surgeons-and-doctors-and-specialists-oh.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/08/you-have-to-do-what-diagnosis.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/11/pre-surgery-psycosis-preparing-for.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/12/surgery-craniosynostosis-repair-day-1.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/12/surgery-craniosynostosis-repair-day-2.html
Day 3: October 26
Day 3 came and it was finally time to remove Deacon's head wrap. The doctor's felt that removing it would help with the swelling and may even help reduce his fever. They were right : ) One by one the tubes and IVs began to come out. It was also the first time we got to take a look at his scar.
I'd be lying if I didn't say it was a little shocking. I knew he was going to be cut from ear to ear. But actually seeing it broke my heart a little. All those stitches in that little head. But by this point he was doing so well. Eating, peeing, smiling. And the new shape of his head was absolutely astounding.
Why, what a round head you have!! |
The Surgery: Craniosynostosis Repair Day 2
Need to catch up? Here are links to all the Cranio posts in chronological order:
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/07/unexpected-journey-craniosynostosis.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/08/surgeons-and-doctors-and-specialists-oh.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/08/you-have-to-do-what-diagnosis.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/11/pre-surgery-psycosis-preparing-for.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/12/surgery-craniosynostosis-repair-day-1.html
Day 2: October 25
Day 2 was the worst. Deacon woke up swollen. His eyes were swelled almost completely shut. He would cry out in pain when his meds would begin to wear off. He began running a fever. The only thing we could do was hold him, kiss him, and tell him everything would be OK. Our doctor said that he was upset not because of the pain, but because he couldn't see anything. He needed to know the world he knew was still there. He needed to smell us. To hear us. To feel us. It was heart breaking. In the afternoon, he was doing well enough to be transferred out of the PICU.
Our family began coming by to "relieve" us so we could grab food and shower. It was a blessing! We always wanted someone there with Deacon for when he woke up, got upset, or just needed a snuggle. The love in that little hospital room was palpable.
The evening of Day 2, Deacon began to "wake up" a little more. He was off some of the strongest pain killers and his fever had dropped slightly. He started kicking like he was playing in the World Cup finals. When we played his musical monkey for him he would begin to dance - even smile a little bit. It was amazing.
That night his fever spiked again. He began vomiting and took a few steps backwards. But by the next morning he was doing a lot better.
Day 2 was a roller coaster. I have to admit that a strange feeling came over me on Day 2. My baby boy was so swollen, completely unrecognizable, and I felt like I had lost him. Almost like the baby I had before the surgery was gone, and this was a new baby. I didn't have any less love for the "new" Deacon, but part of me missed the "old" Deacon. I felt like I was grieving. In mourning. I would go to his crib to get him in the morning and be surprised. Like after you dye your hair a completely different color and it is shocking/surprising every time you look at yourself in the mirror because you expect to see the old color? And it took me about a week after we returned home to realize that this baby is the SAME baby as before. He may look different - "fixed" if you will - but his insides were the same. This was the same baby I carried for nine months. The baby I gave birth to. The baby whose smile melted my heart. He was still my little man. And it was like a new joy filled my heart - the little boy I thought I had lost came back to me. No words can really describe what I felt over those days. All I know is that I never, ever want to feel that way again.
The Surgery: Craniosynostosis Repair Day 1
Need to catch up? Here are links to all the Cranio posts:
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/07/unexpected-journey-craniosynostosis.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/08/surgeons-and-doctors-and-specialists-oh.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/08/you-have-to-do-what-diagnosis.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/11/pre-surgery-psycosis-preparing-for.html
October 24, 2011: Surgery Day
I didn't have to worry about setting my alarm because I never went to sleep that night before. I laid in bed until about 3 a.m., then decided to start getting ready. We had to be at the hospital at 6:00 a.m. - the surgery was scheduled to begin at 8:00 a.m. I took a shower, got dressed, made sure our bags were packed and everything was ready to go. My husband was snoozing like a baby : ) See, we deal with things very differently. When I am stressed, it seeps out of every pore of my body. One look at my eyes and you can see whatever I am feeling. My husband internalizes it and keeps a cool exterior. And sometimes {a lot of times} that bothers me because I take his cool, calm demeanor as not "caring". But that's not the truth. He feels it just as strongly as I do. He just knows he needs to hold it together while I crumble. He has a plan in his mind as to how things need to go and sticks to it. Even though I may freak out, he keeps us glued together. That's why we make the perfect team : )
At about 5:15 a.m. we hit the road, a sleepy Deacon in the back seat. We swung by McDonald's for coffee and Egg McMuffins. Daniel insisted I pour my coffee into the insulated cup he brought along (sticking to the plan he laid out in his head). I prefer a good styrofoam cup, but obliged because I knew he needed to keep his plan on the tracks. It seems silly, but at that very moment, we were doing everything we could to keep from crumbling into a million pieces. We arrived at the hospital just before 6:00 a.m. and headed inside. {Here we go...}
Why am I up so early?! Heading inside on the morning of Deacon's surgery |
Since we "pre-registered" the week before, we only had to wait a few minutes until they took us back to our room. Once there, a nurse stopped by and described what would happen over the next few hours. This room would be our "waiting room" during Deacon's surgery. She said things would start to move very quickly as they prepped D for surgery. She asked that I get him into his hospital gown.
Really, Mama? Purple? It's not really my color. |
A good "before" picture of Deacon's head. Since it couldn't grow from side to side, it grew front to back at an abnormally fast rate. |
Little man wondering what is going on |
Over the next hour or so, our support team arrived. Grandma, Nana, Papa and Uncle David. Aunt Gigi was holding down the fort at home, watching Paigey. Everyone else was praying.
A little while later Daniel and I headed up to the room. We didn't want to miss any updates. A nurse was supposed to call the room every hour to fill us in on how things were going. Right on cue, the phone rang as we entered the room. The nurse said everything was going well. She said it took some time to get all D's IV's in. I knew before hand that they would put him under full anesthesia before inserting any IVs. I knew he wouldn't be in pain. And she said they had to start the blood transfusion immediately because his counts were low. {Not sure if I mentioned before, but I had to donate blood a few weeks prior in case Deacon needed a blood transfusion during his surgery. I did a "directed donation" so they would have my blood to give him if they needed it. Ends up they did.} And when we hung up the phone a sense of peace came over me. I'm not sure if it was the security I felt knowing my blood - his mama's blood - was pumping into my baby's teeny tiny veins at that very moment just like when he was in the womb. Or if my body finally gave in to the exhaustion. But I could feel the arms of God wrapped around me, around my baby boy. And a peace rushed over my body. And the very moment I hung up the phone, I fell asleep. A deep sleep. A calm, peaceful sleep.Right there on the hospital bed.
My first peek at Deacon post-surgery outside the PICU waiting room. |
The remainder of the day is kind of a blur. Deacon got settled in his PICU room hooked up to a million monitors. He had three IV lines, one pumping fluids, one pumping morphine and the last one left open for emergency access. His head was wrapped up like a mummy, with a single drain coming out the top to remove excess fluid and blood build up. At this point, he still looked like my baby. I could still see my little man through all the wires, bandages and cords. At one point he started to cry and I instinctively picked him up and Daniel and I took turns holding him for the next few hours. It was only later on that the PICU nurse told me that most parents are afraid to hold their babies after the surgery and won't do so for a few days. Nothing could keep me from holding that little man. He may have been tethered to a ton of machines, but the most important thing was that he was tethered to my heart and could feel my love all over his little body. Day 1 was long. Day 2 was even longer.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Pre-Surgery Psycosis: Preparing for Craniosynostosis Surgery
{There is a very real reason why it's taken me nearly two months to write these posts... to re-account some of the most emotionally painful experiences of my life thus far. It's been hanging over me every day since - the need to write about the experience. But I just couldn't muster up the energy to do it. So much so that I almost abandoned my entire blog. The blog I've built steadily since 2009. I seriously considered throwing it all away just so I wouldn't have to write these posts. But I knew I couldn't do that. I couldn't throw away something I love so much. So here goes... one last journey into those days and weeks, hours and minutes that I never, ever want to live through again. It's not healthy to stay in such a fragile place for too long... Mama's got to keep it movin'. I'm going to write, hit "Publish" and never read them again. At least not for a very long time. Please excuse any typos - I'm not going to edit because I really don't want to re-read it.}
In the two weeks leading up to Deacon's surgery, I had a major mental meltdown. From the moment the diagnosis was confirmed, I knew it would happen - I just didn't know when - because I had become pretty great at pushing down the emotion of it all. But then it happened... the pre-authorization letter arrived from our insurance company with the all caps, bolded words "FULL CRANIOTOMY, MAJOR SKULL SURGERY, BONE GRAFT" right smack in the middle of the page. And like an avalanche, I lost it. Lost what? My mind. Right then and there, I moved into pre-surgery psycosis {self-diagnosed, of course}. The two weeks which followed receiving that letter are a complete blur. I know I saw people, had conversations, went through the motions of life... but nothing stuck. All I could think about 24/7 was the idea of my tiny, precious, smiley baby boy getting his skull removed. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Life moved in slow motion.
A week before the surgery we went to Children's Hospital for D's pre-op visit. A CT scan, blood work, meetings with the doctors, and a meeting with the anesthesia team. And of course I smiled and nodded my head like I was taking in all the information being thrown at me about the surgery and recovery. It was like an out-of-body experience. The lights were on, but no one was home. But the important part was that we made it through the 4 months of waiting. And in just a few short days, everything would be fixed.
Need to catch up? Here are links to all the Cranio posts in chronological order:
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/07/unexpected-journey-craniosynostosis.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/08/surgeons-and-doctors-and-specialists-oh.html
- http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2011/08/you-have-to-do-what-diagnosis.html
In the two weeks leading up to Deacon's surgery, I had a major mental meltdown. From the moment the diagnosis was confirmed, I knew it would happen - I just didn't know when - because I had become pretty great at pushing down the emotion of it all. But then it happened... the pre-authorization letter arrived from our insurance company with the all caps, bolded words "FULL CRANIOTOMY, MAJOR SKULL SURGERY, BONE GRAFT" right smack in the middle of the page. And like an avalanche, I lost it. Lost what? My mind. Right then and there, I moved into pre-surgery psycosis {self-diagnosed, of course}. The two weeks which followed receiving that letter are a complete blur. I know I saw people, had conversations, went through the motions of life... but nothing stuck. All I could think about 24/7 was the idea of my tiny, precious, smiley baby boy getting his skull removed. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Life moved in slow motion.
A week before the surgery we went to Children's Hospital for D's pre-op visit. A CT scan, blood work, meetings with the doctors, and a meeting with the anesthesia team. And of course I smiled and nodded my head like I was taking in all the information being thrown at me about the surgery and recovery. It was like an out-of-body experience. The lights were on, but no one was home. But the important part was that we made it through the 4 months of waiting. And in just a few short days, everything would be fixed.
Smiley guy at his pre-op visits |
CT scan to determine the extent of the situation |
Daddy taking care of business |
Mama "smiling" |
They took a lot of blood, but that won't hold me down! |
Finally able to catch some ZZZZZ's in between appointments |
The 12 Days of My Hiatus
Oh where, oh where has Sweet Leigh Mama been? EVERYWHERE! I haven't posted for over a month... but I'm back in action. And I thought I would give you a glimpse into the craziness I call life with a little song {to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas}. Feel free to sing along : )
On the first day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me... a baby with a craniotomy.
On the second day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the third day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the fourth day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the fifth day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the sixth day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...an appointment with my O.B. {How exactly did this happen?!}, one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the seventh day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...a "fun" hystrosalpingogram {OUCH!}, an appointment with my O.B. {How exactly did this happen?!}, one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the eighth day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...a negative HCG test {PHEW!!}, a "fun" hystrosalpingogram {OUCH!}, an appointment with my O.B. {How exactly did this happen?!}, one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the ninth day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...two of three NY houses under contract {YIPEE!}, a negative HCG test {PHEW!!}, a "fun" hystrosalpingogram {OUCH!}, an appointment with my O.B. {How exactly did this happen?!}, one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the tenth day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...a booming Etsy business {Anyone need a wreath?}, two of three NY houses under contract {YIPEE!}, a negative HCG test {PHEW!!}, a "fun" hystrosalpingogram {OUCH!}, an appointment with my O.B. {How exactly did this happen?!}, one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the eleventh day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...glass shards in Paigey's big toe, a booming Etsy business {Anyone need a wreath?}, two of three NY houses under contract {YIPEE!}, a negative HCG test {PHEW!!}, a "fun" hystrosalpingogram {OUCH!}, an appointment with my O.B. {How exactly did this happen?!}, one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the twelfth day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...4 dissolveable stitches {this time for Paigey}, glass shards in Paigey's big toe, a booming Etsy business {Anyone need a wreath?}, two of three NY houses under contract {YIPEE!}, a negative HCG test {PHEW!!}, a "fun" hystrosalpingogram {OUCH!}, an appointment with my O.B. {How exactly did this happen?!}, one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
Like that sneak peek?! For the next few days I'll expand on each of these incidents. Fun times : )
xoxo,
Sweet Leigh Mama
aka Erica
On the first day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me... a baby with a craniotomy.
On the second day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the third day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the fourth day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the fifth day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the sixth day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...an appointment with my O.B. {How exactly did this happen?!}, one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the seventh day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...a "fun" hystrosalpingogram {OUCH!}, an appointment with my O.B. {How exactly did this happen?!}, one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the eighth day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...a negative HCG test {PHEW!!}, a "fun" hystrosalpingogram {OUCH!}, an appointment with my O.B. {How exactly did this happen?!}, one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the ninth day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...two of three NY houses under contract {YIPEE!}, a negative HCG test {PHEW!!}, a "fun" hystrosalpingogram {OUCH!}, an appointment with my O.B. {How exactly did this happen?!}, one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the tenth day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...a booming Etsy business {Anyone need a wreath?}, two of three NY houses under contract {YIPEE!}, a negative HCG test {PHEW!!}, a "fun" hystrosalpingogram {OUCH!}, an appointment with my O.B. {How exactly did this happen?!}, one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the eleventh day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...glass shards in Paigey's big toe, a booming Etsy business {Anyone need a wreath?}, two of three NY houses under contract {YIPEE!}, a negative HCG test {PHEW!!}, a "fun" hystrosalpingogram {OUCH!}, an appointment with my O.B. {How exactly did this happen?!}, one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
On the twelfth day of my hiatus, my crazy life gave to me...
*...4 dissolveable stitches {this time for Paigey}, glass shards in Paigey's big toe, a booming Etsy business {Anyone need a wreath?}, two of three NY houses under contract {YIPEE!}, a negative HCG test {PHEW!!}, a "fun" hystrosalpingogram {OUCH!}, an appointment with my O.B. {How exactly did this happen?!}, one positive pregnancy test {WHAT?!}, a smiling & happy Deacon, utter and pure exhaustion, 100 dissolveable stitches, and a baby with a craniotomy.
Like that sneak peek?! For the next few days I'll expand on each of these incidents. Fun times : )
xoxo,
Sweet Leigh Mama
aka Erica
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Anyone Looking for a House (or 3) in the NY Area?
My family's official migration to the South is almost complete. And I couldn't be happier! I started my migration away from the icy, snowy, freezing winters of New York in 2001 when I started college in Southern Pennsylvania. But it was still snowy there and still cold. So after college I moved to Washington DC for a short time. Lo and behold, it was still freezing : ) So as luck would have it I fell in love with a Southern boy and moved down to Atlanta in 2005. And I've been here ever since - happy as a clam. And as I built my life here over the last 6+ years, I longed for my family to be closer. And this summer my dream came true - my sister and her family moved to Atlanta!! My Grandma is also here now. And soon my Mom and Step Dad will be here as well. YAHOOOO! Which leads me back to the title of my blog post: Anyone looking for a house (or 3) in the NY area?? Yup - that's right. All three houses are still for sale at this moment in time. BOO : ( So I figured that out of 25,000 readers (can you believe there are that many of you following Sweet Leigh Mama? YAY!) a few of you may reside in the Hudson Valley area of New York state, or may know someone who is looking for a house in the area. So in an effort to make the official New York to Atlanta migration complete, here are MLS postings for all three houses up for sale. It's kind of like a real life HGTV House Hunters. Enjoy! : )
House #1: Port Jervis, NY (12771)
$149,900
3 bedrooms / 2 bathroom
LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION - Located on an oversized lot on a quiet residential street this three bedroom home is a great investment. This charming two story home features three spacious bedrooms, large living room, formal dining room, spacious eat in kitchen and two full bathrooms and laundry room. Home also features hardwood flooring throughout and a partially finished basement. Exterior of home will sport a new fresh coat of paint and also features a large yard with patio. This is a solid home located in a great area of Port Jervis and is priced aggressively to sell. Invest in your future and stop paying rent while the interest rates are at their lowest in history.
House #2: Montgomery, NY (12549)
$169,900
3 bedrooms/ 1 bathroom
Impeccable Village of Montgomery Ranch. This home features a beautiful kitchen w/stainless steel appliances spacious living room new thermo windows hot water heater interior doors and trim water conditioner new bathroom central air conditioning huge deck overlooking very lush landscaped backyard. Very large basement that can be easily finished. This home needs nothing just move in. Come see!
House #3: Slate Hill, NY (10973)
$279,900
4 bedrooms / 2 bathrooms
Absolutely stunning gorgeous sprawling ranch - Award Winning Minisink Schools - This beauty features large formal living room w/lot's of natural sunlight formal dining room beautiful gourmet kitchen w/granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. Huge bedrooms w/oversized closets. Master Bedroom and Master Bathroom Suite. Both bathrooms feature granite tops and imported tile floors. Massive family room. 4th bedroom. 2 car oversized garage. Central air conditioning. Party Deck. All situated on over 1.1 acres of lush landscaping. Rocking chair front porch. All blacktop driveway. Don't miss this home. One of the nicest homes you will ever see!
House #1: Port Jervis, NY (12771)
$149,900
3 bedrooms / 2 bathroom
LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION - Located on an oversized lot on a quiet residential street this three bedroom home is a great investment. This charming two story home features three spacious bedrooms, large living room, formal dining room, spacious eat in kitchen and two full bathrooms and laundry room. Home also features hardwood flooring throughout and a partially finished basement. Exterior of home will sport a new fresh coat of paint and also features a large yard with patio. This is a solid home located in a great area of Port Jervis and is priced aggressively to sell. Invest in your future and stop paying rent while the interest rates are at their lowest in history.
House #2: Montgomery, NY (12549)
$169,900
3 bedrooms/ 1 bathroom
Impeccable Village of Montgomery Ranch. This home features a beautiful kitchen w/stainless steel appliances spacious living room new thermo windows hot water heater interior doors and trim water conditioner new bathroom central air conditioning huge deck overlooking very lush landscaped backyard. Very large basement that can be easily finished. This home needs nothing just move in. Come see!
House #3: Slate Hill, NY (10973)
$279,900
4 bedrooms / 2 bathrooms
Absolutely stunning gorgeous sprawling ranch - Award Winning Minisink Schools - This beauty features large formal living room w/lot's of natural sunlight formal dining room beautiful gourmet kitchen w/granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. Huge bedrooms w/oversized closets. Master Bedroom and Master Bathroom Suite. Both bathrooms feature granite tops and imported tile floors. Massive family room. 4th bedroom. 2 car oversized garage. Central air conditioning. Party Deck. All situated on over 1.1 acres of lush landscaping. Rocking chair front porch. All blacktop driveway. Don't miss this home. One of the nicest homes you will ever see!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Falling In Love With My Skin
Thanks to Walgreens for underwriting this post. I was paid as a member of the Clever Girls Collective, but the content is all mine. Visit http://moms.dailybuzz.com/channel/style.
A few weeks ago I wrote about my new semi-obsession with my skin (Click here for a refresher: Do I Have Time To Worry About Wrinkles?) So since then the seasons have officially changed and any semblance of a tan has faded back into the paleness that consumes my skin 8 months out of the year. And now in addition to worrying about potential wrinkles, I'm face to face with dark circles under my eyes from stress, brown spots on my right cheek that appeared when I was pregnant with Miss Paige and some lovely red splotches on my forehead and chin that I'm still a little perplexed by. So when Walgreens asked me to discuss the ways I'm "falling" in love with my skin this autumn, I realized I was going to have to dig pretty deep to muster some positivity about my appearance. One glance in the mirror and I knew I needed to give my daily beauty and skin care routine a serious 180. And what a better time to do it than fall - the unofficial "new year".
Besides my obsession with preventing wrinkles, my summer beauty routine has been non-existant. Which is sad since I moonlight as a freelance make-up artist (from which I am taking a brief hiatus until after Lil D's surgery and recovery). But I'm inspired to step it up a little (especially now that I know my make-up won't melt off the second I step out the door). However - the last thing I want to do is look like I'm about to hit the clubs in Midtown when I'm really just heading to the grocery store in the burbs. So I have to keep it simple. Here is what I'm thinking....
1. My to-die-for anti-wrinkle toner (yes, I am still obsessed)
3. A super light foundation to cover the spots, freckles, etc that have accumulated over the last three years of pregnancies (I've always been a fan of Loreal's Visible Lift because it has the most natural pigments in my opinion)
4. A quick brush of powder to smooth everything out5. Bronzer. Can't forget the bronzer.
6. Mascara - a thickening and extending one that adds definition (BTW - at some point over the last year my eyelashes turned blonde. Muy disturbing and random, I know.)
7. A neutral (just a shade darker than my actual lips) lipstick.
Oh - and I know this doesn't have anything to do with make-up or my skin - but I've just got to do something about my ridiculously gray hair. So a trip to the salon to get some nice low lights is definitely a must over the next week or so.
And there you have it.: my official plan to step it up in the appearance department this fall. I figure if I can pull it off 4 out of 7 days in a week, I'll be in good shape. At least when I leave the house. Although I'll still be in sweatpants - maybe I'll work on sprucing up that part of my life next spring : )
Thank you to Walgreens for sponsoring this blog post. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. All opinions are my own.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Mommy & Me Gluten-Free Book Signing
About a year and a half ago I stepped into a local health food store for the first time. To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. Flax seed and whey protein and organics - OH MY! I don't remember anything else about that experience (probably blocked it out over a bag of Cheetos) except that I met a very nice woman who happened to be in the store at the same time. I think she sensed my anxiousness as I stared wide-eyed at the vast selection of products and took pity on me. After a brief conversation she told me that she was actually an author and had developed a recipe book with her son after struggling to find foods that wouldn't set off his severe food allergies. The book she spoke of was "Mommy and Me Gluten-Free!" (I remember her telling me how her son came up with the title - too cute!) and the woman was Sharon Feskanin - Gluten-free mama extraordinaire : )
Book signing and presentation!
Mommy and Me Gluten-Free by Sharon Feskanin
at
The Elegant Attic
1105 Canton Street
Roswell, GA
(Parking in rear)
678-261-7988
Flash forward to today and I find out that my absolute FAVORITE shop in Historic Roswell - The Elegant Attic - (a must-visit destination outside Atlanta for anyone who isn't local) is hosting a book signing and presentation with none other than Sharon Feskanin this Thursday evening - October 13 - from 6:30 - 7:30 pm. Ever thought about going Gluten-free? Or is your child struggling with health issues that may benefit from a Gluten-free diet? Stop by The Elegant Attic to meet this super mama who took charge of her son's health - and check out her cookbook Mommy and Me Gluten-Free.
Book signing and presentation!
Mommy and Me Gluten-Free by Sharon Feskanin
at
The Elegant Attic
1105 Canton Street
Roswell, GA
(Parking in rear)
678-261-7988
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Are You OK With Average?
This morning I told my husband something I had been thinking about for the last few weeks. Nothing outrageous or scandalous - but just an observation I made. Of course he thought I was crazy (nothing new there), but after letting it sink in for a little bit, he kind of agreed with me.
So this is what I said: "I don't think Deacon is going to be the sharpest knife in the drawer." GASP! Am I a parent who is actually admitting that their child may not be "gifted and talented" and on the early admission list for Mensa? Yes. Yes I am. And I am perfectly ok with that.
At only 3 months of age, I know it's a little premature to make such a sweeping assessment of my son. And to be honest, I can't really tell you exactly why I feel this way. But I can just tell. Call it mother's intuition - but I just feel like my son is going to be of average intelligence. Not necessarily slow or having a learning disability or anything like that - I think he's going to just be a normal, average kid.
On the other hand, I think Miss Paige is one smart cookie. Not a genius or anything that extreme, but I think she's pretty bright. And maybe that is why I'm able to identify the differences between Paige and Deacon - Lil D doesn't seem as aware as Paige was at this age. It's ok - you can gasp again : ) Every parenting book says you shouldn't compare your children, but the truth is the truth.
And I'm actually 100% ok with the idea of being average. I've always been a major over-achiever. Not a perfectionist, but I would challenge myself with being better, faster, smarter than the last time I did something. It was an internal competition - could I do this? Could I get an A on that test without studying? Can I write this 5 page paper in just an hour or two? And I could - so I did. But other than the feeling of satisfaction with myself, I didn't really care about some of the other stuff that came along with being bright. Honors classes were TERRIBLE! Not because they were difficult, but they put a huge amount of unnecessary pressure on kids (in my opinion). They also created an invisible wall between the "smart kids" and the "regular kids". And to be honest, taking honors courses got me a whole lot of nothing when it came time to go to college (except the desire to just be "normal"). So because of my experiences, I've always hoped my children would just be normal... I feel like there is a lot less pressure to be perfect and a lot more room for self-exploration. They have opportunities to make mistakes without feeling like they let the entire universe down. They can get a B and not beat themselves up.
Now - that's not to say I'm going to let me kids not give everything their best effort. They better bust their little butts to succeed. But the definition of success doesn't have to be outrageous - it can just be normal : )
PS: Deacon - if you are reading this 20 years from now, don't be mad! You could become a rocket scientist or be inspired by your surgery and become a pediatric neurosurgeon for all I know. But if you aren't - and you are just a normal guy going to a normal college and like doing normal, average things - know that I am super proud of you - just for being YOU! XOXOXOX! Mommy : )
So this is what I said: "I don't think Deacon is going to be the sharpest knife in the drawer." GASP! Am I a parent who is actually admitting that their child may not be "gifted and talented" and on the early admission list for Mensa? Yes. Yes I am. And I am perfectly ok with that.
At only 3 months of age, I know it's a little premature to make such a sweeping assessment of my son. And to be honest, I can't really tell you exactly why I feel this way. But I can just tell. Call it mother's intuition - but I just feel like my son is going to be of average intelligence. Not necessarily slow or having a learning disability or anything like that - I think he's going to just be a normal, average kid.
On the other hand, I think Miss Paige is one smart cookie. Not a genius or anything that extreme, but I think she's pretty bright. And maybe that is why I'm able to identify the differences between Paige and Deacon - Lil D doesn't seem as aware as Paige was at this age. It's ok - you can gasp again : ) Every parenting book says you shouldn't compare your children, but the truth is the truth.
And I'm actually 100% ok with the idea of being average. I've always been a major over-achiever. Not a perfectionist, but I would challenge myself with being better, faster, smarter than the last time I did something. It was an internal competition - could I do this? Could I get an A on that test without studying? Can I write this 5 page paper in just an hour or two? And I could - so I did. But other than the feeling of satisfaction with myself, I didn't really care about some of the other stuff that came along with being bright. Honors classes were TERRIBLE! Not because they were difficult, but they put a huge amount of unnecessary pressure on kids (in my opinion). They also created an invisible wall between the "smart kids" and the "regular kids". And to be honest, taking honors courses got me a whole lot of nothing when it came time to go to college (except the desire to just be "normal"). So because of my experiences, I've always hoped my children would just be normal... I feel like there is a lot less pressure to be perfect and a lot more room for self-exploration. They have opportunities to make mistakes without feeling like they let the entire universe down. They can get a B and not beat themselves up.
Now - that's not to say I'm going to let me kids not give everything their best effort. They better bust their little butts to succeed. But the definition of success doesn't have to be outrageous - it can just be normal : )
PS: Deacon - if you are reading this 20 years from now, don't be mad! You could become a rocket scientist or be inspired by your surgery and become a pediatric neurosurgeon for all I know. But if you aren't - and you are just a normal guy going to a normal college and like doing normal, average things - know that I am super proud of you - just for being YOU! XOXOXOX! Mommy : )