Merry Christmas!

Being a Stay at Home Mama: Making it Work Financially

Over the last year or so I've received more than a few inquiries on how I've been able to be a stay at home mama on a single income. I've always responded individually, but I think it's a very valid question and so I figured I'd write a post about it.

First of all, it's not easy. We're not independently wealthy, nor does my husband make so much money that going from a double income to single income family was an easy decision. It was actually very difficult for our hearts and our brains to meet up on the final decision for me to resign from my job and stay home with our baby. Both my husband and I instantly felt like it was the best thing for our family - but would our dollars stretch enough to cover all our expenses? Mortgage payments, car payments, utilities, groceries, and unexpected expenses? As soon as I found out I was pregnant the first time around, we looked at our budget and figured out where we could cut back. Then, we basically lived off Daniel's salary and put mine in our savings account (or as much of it as we could) each month.

After my last official paycheck came in February of 2010, it was definitely a shock to us financially. We had planned for it, but seeing our monthly income cut in half was a real eye-opener. We're going on a year of single-income living, and to be 100% honest, we take it a few months at a time and then reevaluate financially. We pull from our savings for unexpected expenses (i.e. medical, house stuff) and we stretch our other dollars as much as we can. Here are a few ways I found to cut back... my motto is "Every Little Bit Helps..." And if you are determined to stay home, there is always a way to make it work.

1. Refinancing our Mortgage: This may not be an option for everyone, but we were able to refinance from a 6.5% to 5.25% mortgage last year. We didn't have to bring any money to the table, and were able to reduce our monthly payment by around $300. Not a HUGE amount, but enough for groceries each month!

2. Cut out Cable Extras: Daniel and I LOVE our TV shows... especially HBO. It's our time to relax and spend time together once Paige goes to bed. But at an extra $30-$40 per month for the "movie channels", we couldn't justify the cost vs. the two or three shows/movies we watched each month. So I called and had those cut from our plan. Now we get the shows we missed from Netflix, or catch up on our favorite shows when they do "Free Preview Weeks" on the movie channels.

3. Buy in Bulk: Now, I'm not talking Costco kind of bulk (we personally don't have the room to store 500 cans of green beans), but I grocery shop every two weeks instead of every few days. I buy what's on sale and that's what we eat for the next two weeks. Spaghetti, chicken, rice, homemade pizzas - you'd be surprised how creative you can get when you are on a budget! I need to get better about coupons - I use them all the time for Paige's necessities (formula and diapers) but always forget to look for them before doing my regular shopping.

4. Look at What You Can Sell: For us, it was our cars. After some research, we realized our Jeeps were worth a lot more than we owed on them, and we were able to sell them for a significant profit. We then downsized to 4-door sedans vs. gas-guzzling SUVs to save on gas. Our payments were also cut in half. Do I miss my SUV sometimes? YES! But I'm very happy with my car and the fact that selling the Jeeps gave us enough wiggle room for me to stay home for a while longer.

5. Remember Tax Time!: If you're income is cut in half, most likely you will drop to a lower tax bracket... which means a bigger tax return (in most cases)! Also, if you own a home, you'll get a large tax return based on that alone - so stash that away in a savings account for those unforeseen expenses that may come up. Or, to transfer over a few hundred each month to help supplement your husband's paycheck.

6. Get a Side Hustle: My friend once told me that, "You always need a side hustle..." What exactly is a "side hustle" you ask? Something to create a little bit of cash flow when times get tight or to bring in a little extra money each month. I have two "side hustles" - this blog and my make-up business. Neither is creating a gold mine for me, but each brings in a little money each month without a ton of overhead expense. Beyond finances, a side hustle lets you retain some part of your former self and have adult conversation (or vent to other adults, in my case with this blog). : )

So, you can see I'm definitely not an expert on this topic. But since people asked, I figured I would pass along tips on how I've managed to make it work over the last year. The first step is to layout ALL your monthly expenses - mortgage payment, average grocery bill, car payments, utilities, entertainment - and compare the total to the income of the parent who plans to continue working. Is it enough to cover the necessities without going into foreclosure on your home or defaulting on loans? If not, what is the difference? Can you save that much x 12 to cover you for a year of staying home before the baby is born? Is there a "side hustle" you can manage to maintain on a part time basis? Do you have a family friend or grandparent who can watch the baby one or two days a week so you can work part time? Sometimes the answer is flat out "No." And in that case I think it's better that both parents stay working than to put your family's financial future in jeopardy. But if you can manage to swing it, it definitely is a rewarding experience.

And in the meantime, we can all keep hoping for a lottery win one of these days, right? : )

The Sequential Screening: Why I Changed My Mind

All the pregos know that between 11 and 14 weeks, the OB suggests (usually somewhat firmly) that you receive the "Sequential Screening". In a nutshell, Sequential Screening is a way to estimate the chance that a baby will be born with Down syndrome, trisomy 18, or an open neural tube defect such as spina bifida. During my first pregnancy I had a very firm response back to the doctors when they suggested it: No Way. My husband and I had already discussed it and decided that it really didn't matter - we loved our baby no matter what. I wasn't going to get an abortion, so what did it matter what the baby did or didn't have? At the time, I felt the Dr.'s assumed that if there was something "wrong", I would have opted for an abortion. But I really can't blame them for making that assumption based on the track record of so many mamas - studies show close to 90% of babies found to have Down syndrome are aborted. Shocking, I know. I'm not going to judge the decisions of those mothers - I can only imagine it was the hardest thing they've ever had to go though. But I know that abortion isn't an option for me. So, I firmly denied having any genetic testing done on Miss Paige while she was still in my belly.

Then, at about 6 months, I was given some potentially devastating news. Here is the post I wrote documenting that event: http://sweetleighmama.blogspot.com/2009/08/last-few-days.html

At the time, I wasn't able to write specifically about what the doctor had told me because it was too raw, but I will now... After all, the experience is forever burned into my memory.

During the ultrasound, the tech saw a suspicious raised area on the bottom of Paige's spine. She kept zooming in and taking pictures of it. I immediately knew something wasn't right. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, "This doesn't look good. I need to go show the doctor immediately." And she ran out the door, leaving me on the ultrasound table, all alone, wondering what had just happened. I couldn't breathe. It felt like hours passed before the tech returned with the doctor. They both stared at the screen, again zooming in on Paige's tiny little spine and the "bump". The tech kept asking the doctor, "Do you see it? Do you see it?" And the Doctor would squint and say, "Not really, but it definitely looked like something on the picture you printed out." This back and forth went on for about 15 minutes as the tech tried to convince the doctor of what she had "seen." During this whole time, no one was telling me anything. Finally I asked - What is going on? What does the bump on her spine mean?! The Doctor looked at me nonchalantly and replied, "Well, it could be Down syndrome, but most likely if it is what we think it is, it's an open neural tube defect... spina bifida." At that point my mind went blank. Absolutely blank. Then she said, "But you got the Sequential Screening done, right? What were the results of that?" I informed her I hadn't gotten the screening done... but said I would get it done now to know for sure. She told me it was "too late" - that the only way to tell now was through ultrasound screenings or an amniocentesis. She told me to come back in two weeks, where they would do another ultrasound and determine if an amnio was necessary.

TWO WEEKS?! You want me to sit on my big butt for TWO WEEKS and wonder if my baby will never walk?! I would have given anything in that moment to have the results of the Sequential Screening. Not because I would have aborted her or wouldn't want a baby with a major disability such as spina bifida, but because I truly feel NOT knowing is worse than having all the information up front. I don't deal well with surprises or unpredictable situations. I like to know as much information as possible right off the bat - so I can process it and move forward with an appropriate plan. If Paige really did have spina bifida, I would have liked to have spent the last 4 months reading, preparing and educating myself on the condition so I could be the best mama to her that I could be. I felt unprepared and completely caught off guard.

And while additional ultrasounds proved there was absolutely nothing wrong with the baby girl growing inside my belly, I vowed to not ever be caught off guard again. So this time around, I opted to get the Sequential Screening done. So far I've gone through the first stage of it, and all looks good - no signs of Down syndrome, trisomy 18 or an open neural tube defect (spina bifida). And I'm confident that even if the results had come back to show the baby may have one of the above, we would have been ok. Would it have been devastating? Of course! The hardest part for me during the scare with Paige was wondering what her life was going to be like. I would cry at the thought of her having any difficulties or obstacles to overcome. Every parent wants their child to experience nothing but joy. But I know a number of strong mamas who have the most wonderful, amazing children with Down syndrome and other conditions.. and I knew we would be ok, too.

So... when people ask me my thoughts on the Sequential Screening, I'm always honest with them - I think it is a valuable source of information. Some people may not want the information. But I know now, that when you can't touch or hold or see or comfort the precious miracle growing inside your belly, it's best to know what you CAN do to prepare for the day when your baby is snuggled tight in your arms.