All Tied Up

Sterilized. Kind of a scary word. It just sounds so... permanent. But I guess that's the point, right? I knew the plan was to get my tubes tied during this c-section, but seeing the word "sterilization" on the consent form made it sound so much more scary and life altering, as strange as that sounds. As I checked the box next to that "s" word and signed my name on the consent form while doctors and nurses scurried around me prepping for surgery, it officially dawned on me that this phase of my life - the pregnancy/childbirth phase - was officially coming to an end.

Confused? Let me back up a bit.

In October 2009 - at 30 weeks pregnant with Miss Paige - I had my first TIA (transient ischemic attack) or mini-stroke. It wasn't life threatening, but it did change my life. At the time it was happening - when the left side of my upper body was going numb - I thought Miss Paige had just positioned herself on a nerve. But as the numbness spread from my fingers, to my arm and across my left shoulder, then to half my face, tongue and throat, I knew something else, something more serious, was going on. I headed to the emergency room, having no idea what was going on and of course fearing the worst - that something was wrong with the baby. The numbness only lasted 25 minutes and after more than 30 blood tests later, it was determined that I had a Protein S Deficiency, as well as Factor V Thrombosis. I'm not too good at explaining the medical facts and figures, but basically these conditions cause my blood to clot easily. The TIA/mini-stroke was most likely caused by a small blood clot that had traveled to my neck/head, stayed long enough to cause numbness, and then dissolved. More tests confirmed the Protein S and Factor V conditions were only problematic for me when paired with increased hormones - like during pregnancy or if I were on hormone-based birth control. Add extreme pressure and stress on top of the hormones (from work) and it was a recipe for disaster. I stopped working, was put on Heparin (blood thinner) for the last 10 weeks of the pregnancy and thanked God nothing more serious had occurred.

Now, every prego knows that during the last few weeks of pregnancy - especially during your first pregnancy - you think every bump, kick, pain, leak, etc. is a sign you are about to go into labor. Not a big deal, except that during my first pregnancy the doctors told me at each and every visit that if I thought I was going into labor, I needed to stop taking the Heparin immediately. Why? Because if I had taken the Heparin, then went into true labor, I wouldn't be able to get an epidural (due to risk of bleeding). No epidural? NO WAY! So every time I thought I might be going into labor, I would skip my Heparin injection. And I didn't realize it at the time, but by the last week of my pregnancy, I was skipping a lot of the injections. And then came my second TIA.

This time I was in the doctor's office when it happened, and it began the same way as the first time - complete numbness and inability to control motion in my fingers and hand. Except this time it was on my right side. I immediately knew what was happening and began freaking out. A full on panic attack (hyperventilating and all). As the numbness spread across my face, another symptom presented itself - I couldn't speak. I couldn't get the words I was thinking to come out of my mouth. I would think a clear sentence in my head ("CALL MY HUSBAND ASAP!") but all that would come out of my mouth was nonsense. I later found out this particular symptom occurred because the right side of the brain controls speech, and when blood flow is restricted from that side of the brain (like during a TIA), speech may be affected. It was scary to say the least. I was induced that night, and the rest is history - Miss Paige Karolina was born December 26, 2009.

So now armed with the knowledge of the blood conditions and need to take Heparin throughout my next pregnancy, Daniel and I decided we better try for another baby right away in case any other complications arose. I know people thought we were crazy when we announced we were pregnant again not even a year after Miss Paige was born. But after lots of thought and prayer, we knew it was the best thing for us. If I was going to put my body through the stress of another pregnancy, I wanted to do it while I was young. Not that 30 is old by any stretch of the imagination - but we just didn't want any more complications to arise. And just 3 weeks ago - on June 17, 2011 - Deacon James was born. This pregnancy was relatively smooth - I started taking Heparin as soon as I found out I was prego (at 4 weeks along) and took it vigilantly until the day before the c-section.

Our family as we always dreamed of it was complete.

After long discussions with each other, with doctors, and with God through prayer - Daniel and I decided that it was best to stop at two happy, healthy babies. We made it through two pregnancies without any MAJOR episodes as a result of the blood clotting conditions - we just couldn't see going through it a third time. So the decision was made - I would get my tubes tied during my c-section. I would be "sterilized" - as the consent form described it. And we are both very content in our hearts and minds with that decision.

And as it turns out, getting my tubes tied was a necessary procedure. During the c-section - the one where I was not only a little too aware of everything that was happening, but able to hold a conversation with the doctors and nurses throughout the entire procedure - my doctor told me that my uterus wouldn't have been able to withstand another pregnancy due to how thin it had become. She also said there was a good chance my uterus could have ruptured had I ever gone into true labor during this last pregnancy. Ummmm... no thanks : ) I'll pass on having my uterus rupture, thank you very much.

I know most people don't openly discuss getting their tubes tied, especially in today's world. It seems like people are having bigger and bigger families, and the thought of permanently ending the baby making phase it crazy to some. But that's exactly why I wanted to share this particular decision with you all. We each need to make decisions that are best for ourselves and our immediate families. Whether you are 28 and have decided not to have any more children (like me), are 35 and going for your 5th baby, or are 40 and decided to start trying for your first baby - it's all good : )

Easy Peezy C-Section

I said it last time and I'll say it again - C-sections are the way to go! : ) Not that I can really speak regarding a vaginal delivery since I've never had one (small detail). But both times, the c-section has been a breeze for me. Here is my non-scientific theory as to why... During both my pregnancies, I was in a TON of pain due to the position of the babies inside my womb. Both were crammed far down in my pelvis - and let me tell you - each and every fetal movement felt like a lightening bolt in the va-jay-jay. So by the time I had the c-section surgery, I was actually RELIEVED that the pressure and pain from the pregnancy was gone. Even though my abdomen was cut open and my insides were rearranged, the pain was significantly less than that during pregnancy. You know how they ask you in the hospital to rate your level of pain/discomfort on a scale of 1-10? Pregnancy for me was a 9. C-section was only about a 4 (with Ibuprofen every 6 hours). I know this isn't the case for everyone, but I would take pain in my lower abdomen vs. pain in my va-jay-jay any day of the week!

Another perk of c-sections for the crazies among us? It's planned! Well - this time around mine was. And let me tell you - it was GLORIOUS!! Day... time... all set. No hemming and hawing around, waiting for mother nature to take it's course. Nothing against Mother Nature, but her and I are on two separate pages - she never gets things done fast enough for me : ) My c-section was moved up a few days at the end... from the 20th to the 17th. After spending two consecutive weekends in the hospital with various monitoring needs (contractions at 37 weeks, possible water leak at 38 weeks) - I was DONEZO. And so were the doctors. So the delivery date was moved from Monday to Friday - at exactly 39 weeks. In the days prior I went and got my hair done, nails done, eyebrows done. I was packed. The house was clean. It was kind of like planning for a vacation, minus the beach and fruity drinks. The only down side? No eating or drinking for 8 hours prior to the surgery. Food wasn't a big deal... but not drinking anything in the oppressive Georgia heat was tough. Since my c-section was scheduled for 4 p.m., I couldn't eat or drink anything after 8 a.m. So, to avoid turning into a rabid wilderbeast around noon, I set my alarm for 7 a.m. to eat breakfast. Just as I was taking the last bite of my egg sandwich, my phone rang. It was the hospital - calling to see if I wanted to move up my c-section to 11 a.m. UMMMMM- HECK YES I DO!!!! Except that I had just eaten... so I couldn't do it. Bummer, right? So I went back to sleep and then headed over to the hospital that afternoon.

It's funny, because I don't remember much from my first c-section. From what Daniel has told me, I was really freaking out and the doctor started yelling and the anesthesiologist had to knock me out. Not surprising. This time around, I was keenly aware of everything that was happening during the c-section. Actually - in my honest opinion - I was a little too aware. Somewhere in the middle of knocked out and wide awake would have been ideal : ) I didn't feel any pain, but I could definitely feel, hear, smell and see a lot. At one point I told Daniel I could smell burning popcorn. Something was burning, but it definitely wasn't popcorn (EEK!). The "suction" tube ran past my head, so I could hear and see all the lovely fluids fly past when they broke my water. The one part that was pretty cool was that I could feel the moment they pulled Deacon out of my belly - it felt like a lot of pulling and prodding and then literally felt like a "pop" and then I heard him crying. Pretty cool!

The best part of my c-section experience was the hospital room. I know, I know. You all know how much I hate hospitals. But somehow we ended up in the VIP Suite as the nurses referred to it as... it was an awesome corner room with huge windows and gorgeous views of the Atlanta skyline. Waking up at night to feed Deacon isn't so bad when you have panoramic views of the city : ) Room 490. If you deliver at Northside in Atlanta, try and request it. It was heaven!

Another positive of this c-section was that the doctor fixed my scar. Last time around, the incision had opened on either end and in the middle, so those parts never looked right even after they finally healed. This time the doctor removed those parts and reworked the scar so it's a super thin line - like a pencil line vs. a jagged magic marker line. I was tempted to tell her that she could do a tummy tuck while she was down there, but I decided it was best not to joke while my intestines were on the outside of my body and fluids were slurping down a tube next to my head.

So even though a c-section is major surgery with potential complications a mile long - it's really not so bad. I know they get a bad rap as not being "natural" and all, but after going through pregnancy for 9 months - does it really matter how the baby comes out? Natural hole or man-made hole, the baby has got to get out somehow : )

Balancing Act

 9:00 a.m. - Commence blog writing...

So my one week hiatus turned into closer to two... sorry 'bout that! But balancing this two kids thing is tough! : ) Well - I guess taking care of the kids is the easy part... It's trying to get everything else done that seems to throw me for a loop. Thank the Lord my mom (aka Nana) and step dad (aka Papa) have been here for the last few weeks - otherwise, I'm pretty certain my house would be featured on the next episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive due to the mountains of laundry, dirty dishes in the sink and Lenni's fur balls rolling around the house like tumbleweeds. Not to mention we wouldn't have eaten, slept or been able to get out of our own way in general. Parents are great! : )

So now that I'm almost 3 weeks post-delivery, I figure it's about time I start to figure out how I'm going to function once everyone leaves. Miss Paige seems to be bucking against her regular routine a bit - two naps are quickly turning into one and she's definitely testing her boundaries while I'm occupied with Baby Deacon (No Paige - you can't jump off the top of the sofa like a diving board! - and - Paige, stop scaling up the bookcase to reach my soda on the top shelf! - and my all time "favorite" -  Paige Karolina! Stop burying your brother under all your toys!! (as he lies wide-eyed in his bouncy chair)). But I've determined the key to maintaining sanity in this household will be figuring out a NEW normal routine and schedule ASAP. As much as I hate routine and doing the same exact thing day after day, I can't imagine making it through this first year without some sort of strategy.

Part of this strategy is going to have to be an early wake-up time for mama. Oh, and coffee. Lots of strong coffee. With Paige, I would sleep until I heard her wake up. But I've quickly realized that if Miss Paige and Baby Deacon wake up at the same time (which seems to be the pattern), I am already behind schedule! When I worked a 9-5 job and on occasion worked from the West Coast, I remember having the same feeling of constantly being behind the 8 Ball - I was always running 3 hours behind because of the Pacific Time vs. Eastern Time difference. By the time I would log on to begin work, my colleagues on the East Coast would have already filled up my inbox and I'd be like a hamster on a wheel trying to catch up all day long. That seriously is the WORST feeling! So to avoid that in my home, I've realized I'm going to have to get up before the kiddos - which probably means setting the alarm clock for about 6:30 a.m. to give myself a good hour of prep time. Shower, coffee, news - I've got to get myself going physically and mentally in order to keep up and maintain the type of home I want to.

10:30 a.m. - Finally finished writing : ) It took me 1.5 hours to write a rather short post... Because for every three minutes of thinking/writing, I was chasing, disciplining, feeding (both kids) for 5. And now, finally, they are both asleep - Sleepy, Sleepy Nap Time. And I can finish writing. And fingers crossed I have time to sneak in a shower (it's been a few days...). And then it's time to start again.

10:30 a.m. and I'm already exhausted. But happy. Exhausted, but bursting at the seams with joy and love for my little peanuts. Exhausted, but not too tired to thank God for the life I've been blessed with and for the family and friends that surround me. Life is good.