A Few New Skills I've Acquired Along the Way...

Over the past 13 months of Mommyhood, I've managed to expand my repertoire of skills and abilities to include things I've never dreamed of. Some good. Some not so good. But all in the name of being the best mama I can be... So here goes:

• Master Yogi: One hand on the baby, one hand reaching for the diaper cream that just got flung across the room, one foot keeping the dog away from the dirty diaper that fell on the floor, and hopping up and down on the other foot, trying to keep from peeing myself (because, yet again, I rushed to take care of the baby and forgot about my own needs). The flexibility required to be a mama is unprecedented.

• Infomercial Aficionado: Ask me about any product advertised late-night and I'll have an opinion on it. Why? Becasue nothing else is on during the 12 am - 4 am shift spent feeding, rocking, pacing, etc. with a newborn baby. The new Pajama Jeans seem pretty fantastic. If I had live plants in my house, I'd definitely have an Aquaglobe. And the Yoshiblade makes me want to chop up some onions - or a soda can, because it can do that too!

• Forced Narcoleptic: Remember the days when you could freely choose your bedtime? 10:00, 11:00... what did it matter? If you felt like taking a quick nap on a Sunday afternoon, you could! Now, our sleeping schedule is dictated by the human alarm clock you gave birth to. And because of that, we force ourselves to sleep whenever we can... because who knows the next time you'll be able to lay down and close your eyes!?

• Birdbath Taker: I've become an expert at taking birdbaths... you know, the quick "clean the necessary places" splash down you do in the bathroom sink when there is no time to take a real shower? No time to wait for the shower to heat up... a birdbath can be taken cold, hot, lukewarm. As long as some H2O hits the necessities, you feel like a whole new mama!

• Psychic: I can now predict the thoughts, movements and needs of every person (or animal) under my roof. Forget multi-tasking... mamas learn to psychic-task - predicting what everyone is going to need/want in the next 12/24/48 hours just to maintain a normal breathing pattern and avoid losing your mind.

• Human Mapquest: Before jumping in my car, I plot out the exact route to get to where I need to go and back before nap time, lunch time, diaper change time, or complete and total meltdown time. This mental mapping also considers sand traps (i.e. School Zones, Crossing Guards), traffic patterns (i.e. morning/evening rush hour) and most importantly, Natural Disasters - those inevitable happenings that must be avoided at all costs (i.e. The last stop must ALWAYS be picking up the dry cleaning... otherwise the newly pressed shirts and pants and crinkly plastic are too tempting for sticky, grabby fingers).

• Sun and Moon Gazer: I'm pretty much a budding Galileo. No matter what time of day or night, I know exactly what time it is based on the sun and the moon. If the sun is shining through the front blinds, it's still before 9 a.m. The moon shines in the bedroom window at 3 a.m. So why don't I just look at a clock, you ask? Becasue who has time for that!? Gotta keep it moving...

• Ventriloquist: Here's how it usually goes...  

Stranger: "Hi cutie! What's your name?"  

Paige: Blank Stare. No smile. Wide eyes.   

Me: Smile big, TRYING TO MANEUVER OUT OF AWKWARD MOMENT 

Stranger: "You are such a big girl! How old are you?" 

Paige: Blank Stare. No smile. Wide eyes.

Me: (cue high pitched baby voice) "Hi! I'm Paige. I AM a big girl... 13 months old!"

Stranger: Laughs uncomfortably, walks away  

Paige: Waves bye-bye and smiles as soon as the stranger turns her back.    

• Stealth Bomber: During nap times, I am able to maneuver through the house with the silence of a Drone. Laundry, straightening, cooking - I've mastered doing all as if I were a mime. Guests must learn to do the same... or else. : )

• Bat Girl: No, not the baseball kind of Bat Girl. But the animal kind. As in the animal who has super sonic hearing. Forget baby monitors... a simple roll, sneeze, whimper from the nursery and I am awaken from a deep sleep. Not much goes on in this house that mama doesn't hear.

I know there must be more... any that I have forgotten? Or maybe just haven't discovered yet? Do tell!

Up the Prego Fashion Creek Without a Paddle

I'm really getting frustrated with the lack of reasonably priced, stylish maternity clothes. SERIOUSLY! And as I spent way too long this morning sifting through my closet for something to wear, I got to thinking: why does it feel SO much harder to find cute prego wear this time around? And then I realized... because last time I didn't WEAR maternity clothes (other than jeans and some dresses). Last year's fashion trend in tops was "long." A few extra inches were added to regular tops, which made them PERFECT to wear for maternity purposes. Those few inches added the necessary coverage over any size baby bump. But this year? Everything is CROPPED! NOOOOOOOOOO! I went into American Eagle the other day to pick up some new hoodies (I know what you're thinking - and I know I'm not 15 anymore... but they are just so comfy and cute for under $20!) and after I went through about 5 different styles, holding them up to see if they reached over my baby bump, I finally asked the sales person - "Are these a lot shorter than they used to be?" And she replied in an overly-chipper tone - "Yes! Definitely! The style this year is to wear everything cropped at the waist..." Hmmmm... interesting. I don't mind this style any other time of the year (note: with a longer tank or shirt underneath - def no belly baring going on around here!) but not while I'm PREGO! Can you imagine a prego walking around with the bottom part of her belly exposed? OMG! Pardon me while I go vomit... So anyway, I've pretty much given up on finding regular clothes to fit my prego bod. But that leaves me with a terrible fate - shopping only in the(cue dramatic music)maternity sections. Gross. Sorry, but if I don't wear floral prints, empire waists, shirts that tie into a bow in the back, pastels, bedazzled goofy sayings across my chest (i.e. "Rub My Belly for Good Luck"), tents, tie-dye, head to toe corduroy, denim or velour, etc. while I'm not prego - why in the world would I want to wear them NOW? C'mon people. So back to my standard prego uniform of leggings, Uggs and some stretched out shirts from last time around... so if you see me out and about, please don't judge : )

What's Up With Co-Sleeping?

Lately I've been shocked to hear just how many parents "co-sleep" with their young children and babies. Co-sleeping is when the parents and child/children sleep in the same bed. I don't necessarily think there is anything wrong with it, I just can't imagine how it could work! Then I realized I have my own co-sleeping situation... with Lenni LuLu, my dog.

I took this picture yesterday morning. That is my dog - the one and only Lenni LuLu - sleeping soundly on my husband's pillow. It's a daily occurrence. So how exactly did we get in this predicament? It started when I was pregnant with Paige, home on modified bed rest, and spending the majority of my days napping or resting in bed. Lenni decided she would be my nurse and never leave my side. Up until that point, Lenni was not allowed on the bed. Every night she would sleep in her kennel - sleeping in our bed was never even an option. Then, when Paige arrived, we started feeling guilty that Lenni wasn't getting enough attention. So her naps in bed soon turned into nights in the bed with us. And cuddled in a ball at the end of the bed soon turned into wedging herself in between us during the night. And sleeping on top of the covers soon turned into getting under the covers if she was chilly. ANd that soon modified into sleeping with her head on our pillows as soon as one of us would get up. For example - if I get up in the middle of the night to tend to Paige, I come back and my spot in bed is officially taken over by the fur ball. I have to shove her over and squeeze back in. Sometimes she even huffs like I'm inconveniencing her and messing up her sleep. And at these moments, as half my body hangs off the bed and I'm sharing my pillow with a snoring dog, I wonder HOW IN THE WORLD DID THIS HAPPEN?!

And I think maybe that's what happens with parents co-sleeping with their child/children. Maybe not, but I can see it happening. It starts off slow - maybe you feel guilty if you aren't able to spend enough time with them during the day or have a busy week at work - so you let them cuddle in bed with you before they head to bed. And then one night they fall asleep in your bed, so you let them stay. Then, somewhere along the way, your bed becomes "our bed" and the child naturally migrates there every night. As long as everyone is happy with the situation, there is nothing wrong with it in my opinion. A little unconventional, yes. But so is letting your dog sleep in the bed, so I can't judge : )

Luckily Paige wants nothing to do with our bed. She has slept in it 2 times - both out of pure necessity and she was NOT happy about it. In both instances, our heat wasn't working properly and her bedroom was an icebox. We brought her into our bed, snuggled together under the blankets, and after about an hour of tossing and turning and huffing and puffing (her, not me), she finally dozed off. Paige loves her crib - she reaches for it when she's tired. She likes her own space to stretch out and roll around. The days of her falling asleep in our arms are LOOOOONG over. So I don't think co-sleeping will ever be an issue for us.

But now.. what do I do about my other bambino? No, not the one in my belly... the furry one that drools on my pillow. I think it's time we start using the old kennel again... sorry, pup!