To Spank or Not to Spank

In general Daniel and I are on the same page when it comes to parenting - we believe in structure, schedules and consistency. But there is a specific part of the parenting equation we weren't quite in agreement on - discipline. Specifically, the age old question: To Spank, or Not To Spank. It's something my husband and I discussed a great deal before Miss Paige was born, but never really came to a consensus on. As children we were both spanked. And, as far as we're concerned, grew up to be pretty decent people. However, I have no interest in spanking my children. Daniel, on the other hand, thinks it is an effective way to discipline. Up until now, it hasn't really been an issue since Paige didn't get into much purposeful trouble. But once she turned one, we quickly realized Miss Paige had inherited my curiosity and determination, and Daniel's selective hearing (You're husband probably has the mysterious condition of "selective hearing" too... He has no problem hearing his buddies in a crowded football arena with deafening noise levels, but ask him to take out the trash and all of the sudden he can't hear/understand what you are saying...). She understands everything we say, and chooses whether or not it fits into her action plan. If I say, "Paige! Do you want a cracker and milk?", she'll crawl right into the kitchen and wait by the fridge. If I say, "Paige! Don't touch the TV!", she pretends she doesn't hear me. Or worse yet, she'll turn around, smile, and go right back to putting her sticky little fingers all over the LCD screen and turning it on and off.

One day in particular, she kept going up to the TV, pushing on it (which would make it wobble), and then laughing. No matter how many times we said "No!" and took her away from the TV, she would crawl right back up and do it again. I even tried putting her in a "Time Out" on the stairs (aka: sitting her on the bottom step and holding her there for 30 seconds). She thought it was the funniest thing that ever happened to her. It obviously had no impact. So after a few more times of pushing the TV, Daniel took matter into his own hands... and spanked her. Not hard or anything, but enough that she felt it. And a split second later, she was crying as if she had just gotten a shot. She jumped off Daniel's lap and came over to me for comfort. We both felt TERRIBLE! For the next hour or so, she wouldn't even look at Daniel. And if he happened to catch her eye, she would burst out crying all over again. And however traumatic it was (for both child and parents), she hasn't touched the TV again! And that was about 3 weeks ago. But I still have no interest in spanking.

So I kept on trying my usual methods of "Three Strikes and Your Out!", but it never seemed to have an impact. So one day I was on the phone with my sister - aka Aunt GiGi - and she heard me doing the "1.2.3." thing. And she brought up a good point: Shouldn't you're child listen to you the FIRST time you say "No!"? OMG! It was like the lights had been turned on for me! It's SO true: stopping whatever they are doing shouldn't be optional. They shouldn't have three more times to do something before they stop. Children need to listen the FIRST time, or they need to be disciplined. I'm not sure why no one ever talked about this scenario before, but it has completely changed my life as a parent. Aunt GiGi learned about it at a parenting class she is taking at a local church, based on the book: Growing Kids God's Way by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. Here is link to their website: http://www.growingkids.org/gfi-core-curriculum/growing-kids-gods-way/  There is more that goes into it, of course, so Daniel and I are going to sign up for a class down here. But, in just a week, discipline has taken on a new, consistent and structured plan in our family. Here's how it works with Paige:

If she does some sort of inappropriate behavior (i.e. throwing her food, getting into Lenni's water bowl, climbing the stairs without parental supervision) I immediately say to her ,"Paige, come over here/look at me now." If she didn't come over or respond, I would go to her and tell her, "No. Do not thrown your food." If she did it again, I immediately picked her up, brought her upstairs, and put her in her crib for a "Time Out" (no more sitting with her on the stairs, thank you very much). Then I would leave the room and leave her in there for one minute. Of course she would be screaming her head off and crying bloody murder. After one minute I go into her room, pick her up, give her a hug and a kiss and tell her why she went into Time Out. The first day she went into Time Out 6 times : ) But I stuck with it and the next day, she seemed to absorb the consequences of not stopping an inappropriate behavior when I would say, "No" the first time. Over the last 5 days, she's only gone in Time Out 2 times, and never for the same thing twice.

This may not be the ultimate solution for all families, but it seems to be working wonders for us! It feels good not to constantly be barking "NO" over and over again for the same actions. I feel back in control as a parent. I'll keep you posted, but so far I feel pretty good about this... Wonder if it will work as well once she hits her teenage years? : )

A Few New Skills I've Acquired Along the Way...

Over the past 13 months of Mommyhood, I've managed to expand my repertoire of skills and abilities to include things I've never dreamed of. Some good. Some not so good. But all in the name of being the best mama I can be... So here goes:

• Master Yogi: One hand on the baby, one hand reaching for the diaper cream that just got flung across the room, one foot keeping the dog away from the dirty diaper that fell on the floor, and hopping up and down on the other foot, trying to keep from peeing myself (because, yet again, I rushed to take care of the baby and forgot about my own needs). The flexibility required to be a mama is unprecedented.

• Infomercial Aficionado: Ask me about any product advertised late-night and I'll have an opinion on it. Why? Becasue nothing else is on during the 12 am - 4 am shift spent feeding, rocking, pacing, etc. with a newborn baby. The new Pajama Jeans seem pretty fantastic. If I had live plants in my house, I'd definitely have an Aquaglobe. And the Yoshiblade makes me want to chop up some onions - or a soda can, because it can do that too!

• Forced Narcoleptic: Remember the days when you could freely choose your bedtime? 10:00, 11:00... what did it matter? If you felt like taking a quick nap on a Sunday afternoon, you could! Now, our sleeping schedule is dictated by the human alarm clock you gave birth to. And because of that, we force ourselves to sleep whenever we can... because who knows the next time you'll be able to lay down and close your eyes!?

• Birdbath Taker: I've become an expert at taking birdbaths... you know, the quick "clean the necessary places" splash down you do in the bathroom sink when there is no time to take a real shower? No time to wait for the shower to heat up... a birdbath can be taken cold, hot, lukewarm. As long as some H2O hits the necessities, you feel like a whole new mama!

• Psychic: I can now predict the thoughts, movements and needs of every person (or animal) under my roof. Forget multi-tasking... mamas learn to psychic-task - predicting what everyone is going to need/want in the next 12/24/48 hours just to maintain a normal breathing pattern and avoid losing your mind.

• Human Mapquest: Before jumping in my car, I plot out the exact route to get to where I need to go and back before nap time, lunch time, diaper change time, or complete and total meltdown time. This mental mapping also considers sand traps (i.e. School Zones, Crossing Guards), traffic patterns (i.e. morning/evening rush hour) and most importantly, Natural Disasters - those inevitable happenings that must be avoided at all costs (i.e. The last stop must ALWAYS be picking up the dry cleaning... otherwise the newly pressed shirts and pants and crinkly plastic are too tempting for sticky, grabby fingers).

• Sun and Moon Gazer: I'm pretty much a budding Galileo. No matter what time of day or night, I know exactly what time it is based on the sun and the moon. If the sun is shining through the front blinds, it's still before 9 a.m. The moon shines in the bedroom window at 3 a.m. So why don't I just look at a clock, you ask? Becasue who has time for that!? Gotta keep it moving...

• Ventriloquist: Here's how it usually goes...  

Stranger: "Hi cutie! What's your name?"  

Paige: Blank Stare. No smile. Wide eyes.   

Me: Smile big, TRYING TO MANEUVER OUT OF AWKWARD MOMENT 

Stranger: "You are such a big girl! How old are you?" 

Paige: Blank Stare. No smile. Wide eyes.

Me: (cue high pitched baby voice) "Hi! I'm Paige. I AM a big girl... 13 months old!"

Stranger: Laughs uncomfortably, walks away  

Paige: Waves bye-bye and smiles as soon as the stranger turns her back.    

• Stealth Bomber: During nap times, I am able to maneuver through the house with the silence of a Drone. Laundry, straightening, cooking - I've mastered doing all as if I were a mime. Guests must learn to do the same... or else. : )

• Bat Girl: No, not the baseball kind of Bat Girl. But the animal kind. As in the animal who has super sonic hearing. Forget baby monitors... a simple roll, sneeze, whimper from the nursery and I am awaken from a deep sleep. Not much goes on in this house that mama doesn't hear.

I know there must be more... any that I have forgotten? Or maybe just haven't discovered yet? Do tell!

Up the Prego Fashion Creek Without a Paddle

I'm really getting frustrated with the lack of reasonably priced, stylish maternity clothes. SERIOUSLY! And as I spent way too long this morning sifting through my closet for something to wear, I got to thinking: why does it feel SO much harder to find cute prego wear this time around? And then I realized... because last time I didn't WEAR maternity clothes (other than jeans and some dresses). Last year's fashion trend in tops was "long." A few extra inches were added to regular tops, which made them PERFECT to wear for maternity purposes. Those few inches added the necessary coverage over any size baby bump. But this year? Everything is CROPPED! NOOOOOOOOOO! I went into American Eagle the other day to pick up some new hoodies (I know what you're thinking - and I know I'm not 15 anymore... but they are just so comfy and cute for under $20!) and after I went through about 5 different styles, holding them up to see if they reached over my baby bump, I finally asked the sales person - "Are these a lot shorter than they used to be?" And she replied in an overly-chipper tone - "Yes! Definitely! The style this year is to wear everything cropped at the waist..." Hmmmm... interesting. I don't mind this style any other time of the year (note: with a longer tank or shirt underneath - def no belly baring going on around here!) but not while I'm PREGO! Can you imagine a prego walking around with the bottom part of her belly exposed? OMG! Pardon me while I go vomit... So anyway, I've pretty much given up on finding regular clothes to fit my prego bod. But that leaves me with a terrible fate - shopping only in the(cue dramatic music)maternity sections. Gross. Sorry, but if I don't wear floral prints, empire waists, shirts that tie into a bow in the back, pastels, bedazzled goofy sayings across my chest (i.e. "Rub My Belly for Good Luck"), tents, tie-dye, head to toe corduroy, denim or velour, etc. while I'm not prego - why in the world would I want to wear them NOW? C'mon people. So back to my standard prego uniform of leggings, Uggs and some stretched out shirts from last time around... so if you see me out and about, please don't judge : )