Packing My Hospital Bag

In the 16 months that passed since I gave birth to Miss Paige, I've gotten significantly wiser. No, not about everything - I still only wash my face once a day, I drink way too much caffeine (when I'm not prego) and I still despise folding laundry. 16 months can't produce a miracle, after all! : ) But I have gotten smarter about packing a suitcase. Instead of throwing in every variation of an outfit I own just in case I feel like wearing it, I've streamlined the process. I take the time to think through what I'll actually be doing on the trip and go with the basics. This is a major step for someone who used to pack a separate suitcase just for shoes (My justification: I have size 10 feet! How were those suckers gonna fit in with all the clothes?!)

So this week during Paige's "nap-nap sleepytime" I'm putting together my hospital bag so it's ready in case of any craziness going on between now and mid-June - and if I do say so myself, it's VERY practical (not normally a term most would use to describe me). Here's what is in there so far:

• Three stretchy tanktops (That allow for easy-access breastfeeding. Left at home: The nursing camisoles I just HAD to have last time - that ended up being so darn tight I could barely breathe, let alone produce an adequate milk supply.)
• Three pairs of pajama shorts (Technically men's boxer shorts. Replacing my multiple nightgowns and cute sleepwear... I don't sleep in that stuff as it is for fear of it wrapping around my body like a boa constrictor - so my normal sleepwear should be just fine.)
• One pair of rubber flip flops (Last time around I brought cute slippers. Upon my arrival home they immediately hit the trash can because I couldn't stand the thought of bringing grimy hospital floor grossness into my house. These flip flops can be bleached and sprayed with a hose before reentry.)
• One lightweight robe (I brought my big comfy wooly red and leopard print one last time - I had it on for 0.2 seconds when I experienced a post-partum hot flash for the first time.)
• My breast pump (Things don't start flowing as quickly when you have a planned C-section... gotta get those juices flowing! Also included are sterilization bags and storage bottles.)
• Boppy (A single piece of cotton inserted into a pillow case does not constitute a pillow.)
• Toiletries (I think this goes beyond saying - everyone needs to bring their own soap, shampoo, conditioner, facewash, razor, toothbrush and toothpaste... I just got sliced open for goodness sake - mama needs some comfort.)

And now for a few things I deem necessary - but may seem impractical for some:

• My own handsoap (Nothing grosses me out more than the smell of hospital handsoap - so I'm bringing my own. Bath and Body Works' Coconut Lime Verbena to be exact. Don't worry - it's anti-bacterial : )  )
• Febreeze (Last time around I smuggled in a relaxation candle - it was confiscated within the hour : (  This time I'm bringing something a little more "legal and hospital friendly" to help freshen up the room.)
• Miralax (Whatever they gave me last time didn't work - like, at all. I wasn't able to poop for days until I took some Miralax. As for the prune juice? You can still bring it to the room - my husband enjoys it's putrid flavor.)

And I think that's it... Anything I'm forgetting??

Awkward Pregnancy Photos: Part 2

I recently checked back at my most favorite website - www.AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com (other than SLM of course) and saw they have posted new Awkward Pregnancy Photos! HOORAY! Enjoy the foolishness...

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2011/04/16/saturday-night-special-bumper-cars-3/

 

 

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2011/04/09/trigger-happy/

 

And... my all time "What the Fuzzball?" favorite...

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2011/03/28/the-mistoffelees/

My Son Smuggled in a Shank

I don't know how it happened, or when it happened, but the baby I am carrying in my belly somehow managed to smuggle in a shank. What is a shank, you ask? Through my husband's obsession with crime/police/prison-related TV programs, I have learned that a shank is a homemade weapon/knife often molded out of toothbrush handles or bars of soap, and usually concealed in the spines of library books or under the rim of the toilet to avoid detection. Sometimes these weapons are smuggled into jails through homemade baked goods (i.e. birthday cakes) or smushed between layers of a postcard. ; ) And somehow - despite the maximum security that is my uterus - Lil D has managed to smuggle in - or perhaps even manufacture - a shank inside my womb. I'm thinking he may have used the massive amount of Starburst Jelly Beans I've been scarfing down (which I purchased under the guise of stocking Paige's Easter basket last week). Becasue, honestly, if it's not a shank, how else in the world can I be stabbed at least once a day from the inside out?

The doctors are claiming it's "round ligament pain." I call cow poop on that one! Can so-called "round ligament pain" stop you in your tracks - even when those tracks are leading straight to an amazing sale on undergarments and sleepwear at Kohls?? Can "round ligament pain" cause you to momentarily consider that your baby may be trying to exit through your hip joint?? Can "round ligament pain" feel like a Charlie Horse that galloped up to the side of your abdomen/hip and got stuck? Well - according to Google - yes. That is exactly what round ligament pain can feel like. After I decided the Dr.'s must have missed the boat on this diagnosis, I turned to my trusty search engine and discovered - lo and behold - that round ligament pain can really be that painful. And while I was relieved to find out my son isn't preparing for the remake of Prison Break, it's still hard to believe that stretching ligaments can be so bad. I guess what I am experiencing is the ligaments ceasing up - being stretched to their max, then shooting back like a rubber band and freezing there for a while. Fun.

Only 7 more weeks to go! Woo hoo!