Ummm. Thanks?

While I was prego, I didn't really mind people asking me when I was due, touching my belly, or offering advice. The exception would be the horrendous people who commented on my wedding photos (My Body Is Not My Own: Reality Setting In   AND let's not forget this gem - De Ja Vu of the Worst Kind)

So now as I travel around town with a 12-week old baby, I've been encountering a new situation - the nosey stranger. And sometimes not even just nosey, but know-it-alls, too! Here are my top 5 "best" comments (and yes, people REALLY said these things to me... no exaggeration required!)

 5. "Did you velcro that to her head?"
Scene of the Crime: J. Christopher's restaurant
While I was enjoying breakfast with my besties, a women popped her head over the booth to take a peek at Paige. Yes, I had a bow in her hair. But she has A LOT of hair! The woman obviously didn't appreciate my baby-style very much...

4. "Excuse me, but you can't use boiling water in a bottle."
Scene of the Crime: Starbucks
Maybe I look stupid or something? I was out running errands and was only halfway through when Paige needed a bottle. In these circumstances, instead of running home, I usually pop by a Starbucks and order a cup of hot water along with my Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte. I mix the hot water with the cold water bottle I brought along to make Paige's bottle. The barista was very concerned, obviously. I went ahead and explained my methods to her (to her relief), but I SHOULD have said: "Oh really? I think the tequila and margarita mix I'm mixing it with should dilute it enough, don't ya think?"

3. "What a big head she has! You must have had fun pushing her out!"
Scene of the Crime: Hallmark
All I was doing was looking for a new 2010 calendar. And what did I get? An assessment of my post-baby va-jay-jay. Thanks.

2. "Are you going to leave her in the trunk?"
Scene of the Crime: Target parking lot
I live in the South. It's pretty warm here. So when I need to change Paige's diaper while I'm out running errands, I do it in the trunk of my Jeep. What can I say - I just get realllllllly sceeved out by the changing stations in women's bathrooms. So while I was doing a quick diaper change, a woman walking by asked that ridiculous question. And she was dead serious. The look of fear/concern in her eyes was priceless. My response? "Yup! Just loading up for the trip home!"

And now, the best one of all...

1. "I guess you aren't breastfeeding. It really would have helped with losing the baby weight."
Scene of the Crime: Location to remain nameless to protect the innocent
I don't think this one requires any more explanation.... : )