Friday, March 25, 2011

Angels and Demons: The Tale of Two Delta Flight Crews

Over the lasts two months, I've taken four flights with Miss Paige. One round trip to NY, and most recently a round trip to San Diego. All Delta. And I have to say I really took the flight crews on the first three of the four flights for granted. Both ways - to and from NY - were fabulous as far as the flight crew is concerned. My personal comfort is secondary - all I really care about is keeping Miss Paige from having a complete meltdown, therefore keeping myself from having a complete meltdown. And the flight crew can have a major role in this. Smiles, waves and Biscoff cookies go a long way in keeping a baby content while on a cramped airplane. Here is a picture of Paige on the return flight from NY last month:

Happy as a clam. Double-fisting the Biscoff cookies. And happy passengers around us.

And this is a picture of Paige on the flight to San Diego... Excited. Happy. Content. Why? Becasue the flight attendants were trying their best to play nice, despite the demands of a full plane. The Biscoffs were definitely flowing, and an hour after take-off, Paige was in dream land. All was well in the world.

And now take a look at this third picture... Taken mid-flight on the way home from San Diego... "One of these things is not like the other, not like the other". And so begins the "demon" portion of this tale... No, I'm not referring to Miss Paige. I'm referring to the evil Delta flight attendant who made it her mission to make baby - and parents - raging maniacs.

Before we even took off, I knew things were going to get ugly. I saw the flight attendant roll her eyes when she saw us get on the plane. Daniel saw it too, and immediately shook his head at me as if to say, "Let it slide..." So I did. But mama wasn't happy. So we took off without incident, except the Demon flight attendant's constant barrage to meanness over the PA system, reminding passengers it would be their own faults if this flight didn't take off on time. I have an idea, lady - how about you offer some assistance to passengers instead of yelling a them?! Just a thought... We timed this flight with Paige's nap time so she would sleep through most of the flight. About 30 minutes after take-off, Paige was snoozing. All was well in the world - Mama was reading. Daddy was working on his laptop. And then the Demon decided it was time for the beverage cart to make an appearance. Not a big deal. EXCEPT when she parks said beverage cart RIGHT NEXT TO THE SLEEPING BABY! And then instead of continue moving it down the aisle, she screams to each seat behind us, "Want some soda?!"  I was in the window seat with smoke coming out of my ears. Daniel was in the aisle seat and asked her nicely to move the cart down the row. She said no, and proceeded to shake the ice around as if she was in a production of "Stomp". Then she turns into our aisle, looks right at sleeping Paige, and in full-demon mode she screams, "Does the baby want some soda?!" At this point, Paige jumps awake, startled, and sees the Wicked Witch of Delta staring straight at her. Her eyes get big and round and she begins to scream at the top of her lungs. Tears start flowing. And you would think the Demon would move on at that point - but she didn't. She looked at Daniel and said again, "Does she want some soda NOW?!" Daniel looked at her, now also with steam coming out his ears, and said in his I'm about to punch you in the face if you don't get away from me right this second (which, BTW, I've only seen two other times in the near decade I've known him, both times directed at total idiots), "She.Is. A. Baby. She. Doesn't! Drink! Soda!" The Delta Demon rolled her eyes and finally moved her cart. Paige, on the other hand, didn't move on and cried uncontrollably for another 30 minutes.

And you probably think that is the worst of it, right? Wrong! The Delta Demon struck again on our way off the plane. Because of our sizable load to maneuver off the plane, we stayed in our seats until everyone had exited the plane so we wouldn't hold up people trying to make connections. And just as we were making our way down the aisle with baby, car seat, diaper bag and carry-on in tow - literally just 60 seconds after the last passenger had gotten off the plane - I hear the static of the PA system turn on. I look up and see the Delta Demon glaring at us through her magnifying glasses, perched on the tip of her nose. She then says, "Would you mind moving a little faster? We all have another flight to catch and you are taking FOREVER!" I swear. She really said that. Exactly. And began flagging us up with her hand. Daniel was in front of me and I heard him saying, "Deep breaths... deep breaths." I'm pretty sure he was directing himself to calm down, but I took his words for me as well and made a judgment call NOT to punch her in the face as we passed by her. However, I gave her a major stink eye, at which she smirked.

Let it be known I didn't hold my tongue for long... once we got Paige's diaper changed and a bagel for her to munch on, I was on the phone with Delta. I told all. I named names. And I don't know if they will ever say anything to this particular Demon flight attendant, but I felt better about it. And if you see the Delta Demon on a flight you are on, take those magnifying glasses off the tip of her nose and break them. Because that's what I wish I would have done... that would have really given me "closure" : )

1 comment:

  1. Wow!

    You are so much better than me at holding your tongue.

    Did Delta offer you anything in regards to an apology?