Sunday, July 6, 2014

10 Signs You May Be A Southern Mama

In the deep South, the only thing sweeter than the tea is your Mama. Not to stereotype (NOTE: I am TOTALLY stereotyping!) but us sassy Southern Mamas seem to have a similar way of doing things. Maybe it's the warm air, the year-round sunshine, or quite possibly, the blonde hair dye has finally permeated into our brains. Whatever the reason, read on to see if you just may be a Southern Mama...

10 Signs You May Be A Southern Mama

10. Your pool or beach bag is from Thirty-One

Most likely, the Large Utility Tote. Possibly paired with a coordinating Thermal Tote. And it may even be embroidered with a cute saying like ”Pool Time!’ or “Beach Bums!”

And all is good until one mama takes it too far…

And a baby ends up sleeping in the Thirty-One pool bag.

9. Your child’s first words were “Go Dawgs!”, “Roll Tide!”, “War Eagle!”, “Woo Pig Sooie!” or some other college football saying

August means one thing – COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON! Your family lives, breathes and LOVES college football. You are always on the hunt for cute and girly football apparel. You choose your friends carefully based on the SEC or ACC flag they are flying outside their homes come fall.

And you’ve already considered what might happen if your son or daughter decides to attend a rival college one day…

8. Speaking of football, you know someone who held their son back a year in school for “Athletics”

We’re not talking about keeping him out of Kindergarten due to educational delays or emotional readiness. We’re talking about future scholarships and draft picks here. Because obviously her son is going to play football.

And that extra year is going to give him the edge over his athletically-weaker, younger competitors. It’s all about the numbers, baby! After all, 6 is the new 5 years old when it comes to boys in Kindergarten!

7. Your child’s first real meal was a Chick-Fil-A nugget

Chick-Fil-A isn’t REAL fast food. Yes, it has a drive-thru. And yes, all meals are served in cardboard or plastic containers. And yes, I’m not cooking it at home. But there is something naturally superior about Chick-Fil-A vs. a place like McDonalds or, even worse, Burger King. They serve really awesome salads, after all! And the nuggets seem so fresh! And the Play Area, well, it’s obviously MUCH cleaner than those typical fast food places (… because they sprinkle their magic Chick-Fil-A Fairy Dust over the entire store at night?)

And let’s keep it real - it’s just not a birthday party without a Chick-Fil-A nugget tray.

6. You considered your child’s future monogram when picking out a name for your child

In the South, a good monogram is worth its weight in sweet tea.

Why? See #5...

5. Your child owns at least 5 pieces of monogrammed and/or embroidered clothing

And, truth be told, 5 is being conservative! We all know that Southern mama who has monogrammed every single item of their child’s clothing – and even named their second (…and third, fourth, etc.) children with the same first initial so monogrammed clothing could be handed down to younger siblings. Many of these monogrammed pieces have cost no less than $50 each and were purchased from Trunk Shows with incredibly cute names like Kelly’s Closet, Shrimp and Grits Kids and Lolly Wolly Doodle.

Monograms make you very happy : )


And once you dip your toe into the monogramming pool, you quickly dive head first into…

4. Smocking

Never heard of smocking? You’re obviously not from the South. Particularly popular choices fall into the Nautical category - crabs, anchors, whales, sailboats. Extra Southern Mama points if you’ve purchased one of these designs smocked on a pair of Shortalls for you son. Or a Bubble for your daughter.

3. You belong to a Tennis Team

Stand outside any Southern Preschool during pick-up time, and at least 75% of mamas will be wearing a Lulu Lemon tennis skirt. Half of those will be wearing them because they are cute and comfy. The other half will have just come from a tennis match.

That’s right – Southern Mama’s LOVE tennis. Lessons, meets, matches – Tennis Teams are the new Book Clubs. A water bottle full of vino optional.

2. You vacation in the Florida Panhandle – Destin, PCB or 30A

Some of your favorite childhood memories were formed on the white sandy beaches of the Panhandle. And now you bring your own family there every year for summertime fun.

At any given time, at least 10 of your Southern Mama Facebook friends will be posting pics from their W. Florida vacay. And you can smell the warm salty air just reading this…. Ahhh.

1. You discipline your children by saying, “No, Sir!” or “No, Ma’am!”

For Southern Mamas, just saying “NO” isn’t enough. Why? Because we use our manners even in the heat of anger. In the same vein as how "bless his/her heart" is used as a sweet, Southern way of saying "They're NUTS!", “No, Ma'am!" and “No, Sir!” is a sweet way of disciplining our children. It can be said gently as you take away something he or she shouldn't be playing with. It can be said with a slight tone paired with a hand slap if they take something that isn't theirs. Or, it can be used in full force with clenched teeth and the evil eye, when they've done something really bad - NO! MA'AM!!


1 comment:

  1. These are funny! I'm not a southern mama but I am raising my children in the south. I can totally relate to #2 and #1!!