Facebook Friend of Foe?

In this age of social networking, how do you determine who is a "friend"? Do you accept "friend requests" from everyone? No one? Only people who are your close friends "offline"? Family? A week or so ago, I cleaned house on Facebook, the main social networking site I use. I took a look at my "friends" list and mentally put them into the following categories:

• Entertaining/Interesting Friends: People I don't necessarily know very well, or haven't spoken to in a long time for whatever reason, but who I find funny or have interesting things to say

• Online Friends: People who I've become close with through my blog or through Facebook and I consider them real friends - I care about what is going on in their lives, and they care about mine. We would totally hang out if we lived closer : )

• Besties: People who I interact with in the "real" world on a regular basis and know what's going on in my life, even before I post it on Facebook or my blog

• Family: Obviously, family. But also the friends that you or your husband have known for so long that they feel like family and are always in our hearts and automatically get a spot on your "friends" list no matter what

• General Friends: People who you may have been close to at one point in time, or are an acquaintance. Most importantly - you are interested in what is happening in their lives, and they are interested in yours at a certain level. Because that's what social networking is all about, right? 

And then I got to thinking... do you have expectations of these different groups of "friends"? For example, I don't expect any interaction from my "Entertaining/Interesting" group. I basically just like having their funny one liners, thought provoking links, or general observations pop up on my "News Feed" each day. That is the extent of our relationship, and that is cool with me! As far as the categories of "Online Friends, Besties and Family", that is who I mostly post for... to maintain a consistent conversation through pictures, stories and updates. 

And as far as "General Friends" - well, they move in and out based on the subject matter. But I think there are certain times when that category needs to step it up... and that is during major life events. Engagements, weddings, pregnancies, births... these people (in my opinion) should at least "like" a photo or make a quick comment. Why? Because they are happy for you! Because something amazing just happened in your life, and it's only right to acknowledge it. Isn't it weird to be someone's "friend" - even only via a social network - and not acknowledge something awesome that just happened in their life? You look at their pictures. Read their status updates. But you can't take two seconds to share in their happiness when something awesome happens? I sure think so. And so I used the most recent amazing life event - the birth of Baby Deacon - to make some cuts. If someone who I think should have acknowledged his birth, but didn't, they got axed. Harsh? Maybe. But if they can't even acknowledge the birth of my son, then I certainly don't want them to have access to my photos or updates or life in general.

The rules of social networking are still being worked out. But I decided to take it upon myself to draw a line in the sand : ) Do you agree with my friend assessments and method of giving people the axe? Have you done the same? Let's discuss! Because... after all... you all are my friends : )

Surgeons and Doctors and Specialists, OH MY!

We're off to see the surgeon, the wonderful surgeon of... pediatric brains. Doesn't quite have the same ring to it as The Wizard of Oz, does it? : )

First, let me say THANK YOU for all of the support and love we received after posting about Deacon's craniosynostosis situation. Before posting, I didn't know anyone who had gone through this. Now - come to find out - a lot of people know people whose babies had this condition, got the surgery, and are now healthy, happy babies. YAHOO! And that's why I love this blog and the sometimes over-sharing that I do. Because it's nice to know you aren't in it alone. I love being part of this community of mamas. And I thank you again for the support, love and prayers! We feel it... we really do : )

So this morning we are heading over to our first official doctor's appointment re: the craniosynostosis. First up: the pediatric neurosurgeon. And I have mixed emotions about it. Part of me hopes we'll walk in, the doctor will take one look at Deacon and say, "There's absolutely nothing wrong! He's fine!" But I'm not letting that hope overrun the reality that I know in my heart is true. So even though I hope and pray and wish the doctor will give us a clean bill of health, my second choice is that we walk in and the doctor says, "Yes, he has it. But it's absolutely fixable. We've caught it in time. No damage, swelling or compression of the little man's brain. Now let's get this taken care of asap." And then we are whisked through a whirlwind of tests, appointments and surgery - and we can look back in a month with smiles on our faces because we all made it through to the other side.

Luckily, I'm generally a pretty positive person. But I have to admit that at times, my mind goes crazy with the other possibilities of what the doctor may say. Like what if he says it's worse than we thought. Or that it will take multiple surgeries to fix. Am I ready for that? Am I ready to hear those words and deal with that reality? I'd like to think I am. But how much pain can your heart take before it completely shatters?

I went out to dinner with my BFF mama friend the other night (no babies, no husbands, just us! LET THE ANGELS SING!!) and I realized that I am holding a lot of my emotions on this inside. I talk about it with my husband every day, but I'm keeping myself from really feeling it. I talk about scheduling the appointments, about the great doctors we will be working with, about how each day (especially over the last week) we both have noticed the increasing size of D's forehead and the "smushed" look of the side of his head. But I don't let myself get too deep into the emotion of it. I'm holding back on that. Because if I let myself go there now, I might not be able to get through the next few days of appointments without completely losing it. When I start to feel the pressure of tears build up, I tell myself that if I can just get through the next week of appointments and find out what the next steps will be, then I can let go. And I will... it's inevitable.

A few years ago my mom and I attended a Women of Faith conference and one of the speakers said something pretty powerful that we both repeat often... "To get over something, you have to go through it. Not over it. Not under it. Not around it. But THROUGH it." Until you let yourself actually GO THROUGH the sadness, anxiety or whatever else you may be dealing with, you won't be able to move on from it. Because I firmly believe this concept to be true, I know that I will go through it. But not just yet. Right now I see myself as kind of hovering above the situation, keeping all the ducks in a line and everything moving along - keeping a clear head so the best decisions can be made. But I know soon I'm going to have to "go through" it. But first I need a clear picture of what exactly we are going through (surgery? how many? what kind?). And today's doctor's appointment with the pediatric neurosurgeon will begin to bring that into focus.

Next up on Thursday is the Pediatric Craniofacial Surgeon. And then, TBD. But you know I'll let you all know... : )

My Favorite Mommyhood Moments

For all the stresses mommyhood brings, there are a million and one little moments that make everything worth it. As D moves through each week, I am reminded of all the amazing moments I had as a first-time mama with Miss Paige. And reliving them again through this little man is double the joy. How many of your favorite moments in life do you actually get to relive? All life's best milestones - high school graduation, college, getting engaged, your wedding day - are over in a flash. You wish you could relive the excitement that those times in your life brought, but it's kind of impossible, except for the memories. But one of the many gifts of mommyhood is that you DO get to relive the tiny miracles each day brings as your second baby grows - almost appreciating them even more than the first time around, if that is possible. You recognize their relevance this time, vs. the first time where you were just praying to make it through the day without giving your baby yet ANOTHER reason he will need therapy later in life : ) So here is my list of the tiny moments I am reliving - and hope to remember forever:

• The first time you realize your baby is watching you from across the room. When his eyesight finally matures to a point that he can see past 8-12 inches and his whole world opens up - and the only thing he wants to look at is you... his mama : )

• The first smile, of course. But even more exciting - the first time YOU make your baby smile and coo. When you figure out where they are ticklish, where they like to be kissed, what funny faces they find amusing vs. terrifying.

• Transitioning out of his first set of clothes into a larger size. Heck - even transitioning to the next size diaper is exciting. It means he's growing. No longer a newborn, but an infant who has new needs and wants. It's just the beginning of the amazing growth that happens the first year.

• The first time your baby reaches for something. Either on his play gym, a mobile or a toy his big sister is dangling dangerously close to his face - your baby just turned from a little blob into a moving and grooving little man. Soon he'll move from swatting at a toy to grabbing it in his fists, and then pulling at it, eating it and one day soon, throwing it across the room.

Being a mama really is the most rewarding job in the world. You put in hard work, a ton of effort and love, and you see the results tri-fold. To think just a few weeks ago, you were still dreaming about what they would look like and who they would be, and most importantly, when they would finally make their arrival. And now they are here - being their amazing little selves and leaving joy and awe in their wake. Cheers to being a mama!