Monday, September 7, 2009

When Pigs Fly...

So here I am, on a plane en route to NYC for work. Over the past few weeks, I've been mentally creating a list of why flying isn't the best idea for pregos. Here are a few of the top reasons:

1. Tray tables not built for bellies: As a result of my growing belly, the tray table can no longer fold down completely. It can hit a 45 degree angle, but that doesn't help balance an OJ with ice.

2. Seat recliners will induce sudden rage: As if I'm not cramped as it is, I seem to always get stuck behind the dreaded "seat recliner." Seriously - who reclines their seat? I don't think I ever have done that. But the last few times its happened to me, I see red, begin huffing and puffing like a bull, and begin to repeatedly shove my knees into their relaxed backs until they can't take it anymore. Ahhhh - the joys of prego passive aggressive behavior.

3. Maxed Out Seatbelt: Maybe I am alone on this one, but I highly doubt it. Every girl measures her current size by the amount of slack (or lack there of) left on a seatbelt. You think with horror - will there ever come a day I will need one of those heinous seatbelt extenders they sell in in-flight magazines? Well my dears - that dreaded event happened today... I maxed out the seatbelt over my massive belly. I thought for a second it was stuck or I was sitting on part of it - but oh no... it was giving me all it had, and it BARELY was enough!!

4. The Inevitable Butt-Falling-Asleep: Before we even begin to taxi back to the runway, my butt is fast asleep. Not snoozing. Not taking a nap. Full on, REM sleep. By the time we take off, the tingly/numb feeling has crept down my legs and is beginning to turn my feet into bricks. You probably say - why not get up and stretch? Well - the fear of toppling over in a blaze of prego glory onto all the innocent passengers and seat mates keeps me firmly planted in my window seat.

5. Hoisting the Carry-On: Ladies, let me tell you - the days of chivalry are gone! Forget a helping hand... people have all they can do to let you waddle down the aisle. The men behind you are more concerned with whether or not you are taking the last available luggage space... who cares if your about to go into spontaneous labor by lifting a 20 pound bag over your head like an Olympic weight lifter. Nice.