Friday, February 7, 2014

The Six Stages of Girl Scout Cookie Gluttony

Just as your resolution to eat right and get fit starts to look like a ghost of New Years' past, Girl Scout cookie season comes a knockin'. Coincidence? I think not. Those girls in green are smart cookies.

They find you when you're weak, hungry and powerless to fight back against the Samoa Seduction. The Thin Mint Threat. The Tag-A-Long Trap.

And just like grief, there are 6 Stages of Girl Scout Cookie Gluttony you will move through. Recognizing them can only give you strength.


You start off strong. Saying things like, "Nope. Not me." You vow to avoid all Girl Scout Cookies this year. "Not going to buy a single box," you say. You avoid eye contact with those smiling faces.

Dodge their door bell rings

Or learn to say NO

But then there is a crack in the armor. Usually by way of a niece. Your BF's daughter. Your cute neighbor. And slowly, you move into Stage Two...


It starts out innocent enough. "I'll just eat one" you say. In the office break room. At a friend's house.

You're still cool, calm and collected though.

But then you start thinking about them after you leave. The taste of Samoa stays on your lips. The smell of the Thin Mint lingers. And you tippy toe into Stage Three...


Just one box. At my office. In my desk. Just to nibble on after lunch. Or in the afternoon when I need a pick-me-up. Or just one box hidden in the center console of your car for those long drives. Or in the kitchen, high up in a cabinet the kids can't reach (and your significant other probably doesn't know about).

You start sneaking them when no one is around.

And you deny their existence if asked about such hidden stash of Girl Scout Cookies.

But then one day is particularly awful. You get a heinous email from a client. The kids won't stop screaming. You chip a nail. And you dive headfirst into Stage Four...


To hell with it! GIVE. ME. THE. GIRL. SCOUT. COOKIES!

You down an entire sleeve of Think Mints without even thinking.

You strategically alternate which side of the carton you take a Samoa from so its not as noticeable.

Only when you top off the box do you realize what you've done.

So you calm yourself down. Hide the evidence in the bottom of the trash can. And decide to self regulate with Stage Five...


"I can't eat them so fast if they're frozen," you say. "They will last at least a few months." And it does slow you down for a little while. That is until you decide to try a frozen Thin Mint.

It's like reuniting with an old friend.

You are so excited. And you just can't hide it.

"Screw it!" you say, relinquishing all self-control to the Girl Scout Cookie Gods. And finally, you hit Stage Six...


You've realized you can no longer live without Girl Scout Cookies. And since Girl Scout Cookie season only comes once a year, you've got to stock up enough to last you at LEAST a few months. You begin to hoard.

Give in to the temptation and go order a box of Girl Scout Cookies today. Visit to find a cookie sale near you.

And then sing along to this blast from the past... because it's COOKIE TIME!!! (And scroll through this post one more time as the song plays in the background - you'll enjoy it that much more : ) )