Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Pregnant in Heels? Ummmm.... We Need to Discuss

So please tell me I'm not the only one who saw last night's premier episode of the new Bravo show "Pregnant in Heels"?? We need to discuss the ridiculousness that is that show. First of all - who has ever heard of a "Pregnancy Concierge"?? I'm thinking Rosie Pope (the woman featured on the show) may have coined that term, and the definition is: Slave for hire, Will do any and all things at the whim of hormonal pregos with way too much money. I mean, isn't that what husbands are for when we are prego? Hehe... just kidding. Kind of.

But seriously... the way she caters to her "million dollar mamas" is out of control. Or, I should say, the "million dollar mamas" are out of control. Let's discuss the first couple featured last night: The mama is 36 weeks prego, and her and her "husband" are in complete denial about the impending arrival of their child. And BTW -  I put "husband" in quotations because although they flashed a wedding photo from when the couple was allegedly married, well... let's just say his ideal partner might not be female...definitely questionable in the gender preference department (and if you saw the show, you know EXACTLY what I am talking about!). Anywho... so this nutcase of a couple don't want to set up a nursery because it will be too colorful, too loud (they hate the sound of children's toys) and ultimately cramp their "sleek, sophisticated" style. When asked if she had bonded with her baby yet (reminder: she is 36 weeks prego and about to pop), her response is a flat out, "No." She said she couldn't waste her energy thinking about and bonding with a child that isn't even here yet (to which her "husband" nodded dramatically). So the Pregnancy Concierge brings over a psychologist to basically tell them they are certifiably crazy - with whom they finally agree. The mama seemed to relish in the idea that she is nuts, probably because she thinks that makes her unique.  BTW: You totally know those kind of people... the ones who dramatize every moment of potential anxiety by pouting, rubbing their faces and making everyone else around them feel like they too should be stressed to the max about anything and everything - from boarding an airplane to making a sandwich -- and love the attention it brings their way. And if you don't know a person like that, there is a good possibility it may be you : ) So at the end of the show, just when I'm about to call Child Protective Services on these crazy folks and am hoarse from screaming at the TV, they show the mama and "husband" with their newborn child, who they are loving on like crazy and seem to have bonded with. They even show the toys the couple purchased as proof the new parents finally acknowledged that the baby was a permanent addition and might new a few items of comfort around. And even though all seemed well in their world, I have to wonder if they see how selfish and nutso they were just 4 weeks earlier? My guess is no... and that they've already enrolled the baby in twice-weekly piano and violin lessons , with math and french tutoring every other day. Once a crazy, always a crazy.

And don't even get me started about the second couple that was featured, who described themselves as a "power couple". VOMIT!  The husband reaffirmed this by saying how just the other night he was at a party talking with "Mayor Bloomberg and Tom Brokaw". And I bet if you ask Bloomberg or Brokaw about this alleged conversation they certainly wouldn't respond with, "Oh! That wonderful man that is half of a Power Couple! So intriguing!" No... they would say, "Who? Oh, that guy? You mean he wasn't the waiter or bartender?" So as the story goes, this couple decided they needed to commission a focus group to help name their first born son - you know, so he would have a distinguished name and align with the "family brand." Except when the focus group didn't agree with their names of choice, then the power couple decided this group of business leaders just didn't understand what it meant to be affluent and "powerful". I don't even remember the name they decided on... probably something like George Willard Abraham Theodore Sylvester the IV. Becasue we all know it is a person's name that truly determines their life path... : )

So, in a nutshell, the show is a whole truckfull of crazy. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't going to watch next week. Afterall, it's good to see how normal we all seem when compared to complete foolishness.