Wednesday, February 23, 2011

One Hot Mama

That's right. I'm hot. Very hot. And no, I'm not referencing my hot body which includes multiplying stretch marks, cankles and enough gray hairs - that, if plucked - could be loomed and woven into a sizeable silver blanket. I'm referring to my internal temperature, which at the moment, feels like a teakettle about to boil over. If this is a preview of what hot flashes during menopause might be like, God help us all. I usually walk around the house in a tank top and shorts, because honestly, any more clothing and I might erupt. So when I boarded the plane yesterday morning to fly to NY with a squirmy Miss Paige in tow, I knew it was going to be a sweat fest. First of all, it was one of those smaller "commuter" planes... because for some reason Delta must think commuters don't have legs, arms or butts that would call for regular sized seats with leg room and arm rests. And, to top it off, the air vents didn't seem to be pumping enough air. On a plane, I want to feel the cool breeze blowing through my hair... not what feels like hot dog breath huffing down my neck. So there I was, prego body smushed into an anorexic seat, bear hugging Paige to keep her from grabbing the french fries my seat mate was eating. Along with Paige, I was swathed in her heavy, furry blankie in hopes she would forget she was on a plane and fall asleep... no such luck my friends. Up, down, up, down. At one point Paige thought it would be funny to try and poke my eyes out. And the next "game" was putting Mommy's head under the blankie and playing peek-a-boo. I guess she didn't notice the beads of sweat running down my forehead. By the time we landed, I looked as though I had spent the 2 hours in a sauna... hair frizzed out, make-up running down my red-cheeked face, sweaty pits - basically, I could have been a spokes-model for abstinence : ) The best part of the trip was stepping out onto the tarmac and being greeted by 19 degree temperatures. Hallelujah! On my return trip next week, I'm thinking of packing my undergarmets with ice packs. Think I could make it through security? : )