Thursday, February 5, 2015

The Top 10 Foolish Things First-Time Prego Moms Do (...That You Only Realize Are Foolish the Second Time Around)

Oh, the good old days. When dreams had not yet met reality. When you would daydream about your perfect baby, who would be smart, beautiful and well-mannered. When you would picture yourself strolling along the sidewalk, humming lullabies. When you couldn't understand parents who yelled or lost their tempers - because you were going to be a calm, cool cucumber parent. When you had NO FRIEKEN IDEA what was coming your way. Even though you had 9 months to plan, Pin and prepare (and Pin some more). To listen to your mom friends give it to you straight. To read books and blogs about motherhood. You just KNEW your baby was going to be different. YOU are going to be different than "those" parents. "I know everything there is to know about motherhood!" you said.

So how'd all that nonsense work out for ya? : ) Don't worry. We've all done it. Blame it on the pregnancy hormones. Here are the top 10 foolish things we do as first-time moms-to-be:

#10. We create Birth Plans.
A guide for all the doctors, nurses and hospital staff involved in our deliveries so they know EXACTLY how we'd like things to go. Because, you can plan these sort of things. We were all like this, writing down our hopes and dreams...

Writing words like "all natural", "no episiotomy" and such...

And then this happens...

Quickly followed by this...

#9. We stock up on Newborn-Sized Diapers.
And put them perfectly in the nursery.

 Because all newborn babies fit in the newborn size, right?


And now you have piles and piles of Newborn-sized Pampers that couldn't even fit on your baby's left foot.

#8. We throw out all Formula Samples and Formula Coupons we receive (Because breast feeding is the ONLY way!)
OF COURSE I'm going to breastfeed! It's so easy! And beautiful! And natural!

Except when it's not. Your milk doesn't come it, It's not working like it should. And it hurts like a b*tch. And you're faced with a hungry baby...

But you have no formula to sample because you threw it in the GARBAGE!

And you're like...

And now you have to go to the grocery store - screaming baby in tow - and decide on a baby formula at random. While everyone watches you. And you feel like a failure.

But you're not. Because it happens to a lot of us.

#7. We buy useless baby gear like a Changing Table
The most flimsy, single-purpose piece of furniture ever made.

Well, I guess there are some ways to repurpose a changing table.

Changing Table ---> Bar Cart

Or this

Changing Table ---> Wrapping Paper Holder

But can I ask.. what's so wrong with this?!

#6.  And a Wipe Warmer

Room temperature wipes? Oh, the HUMANITY!

#5. And a Baby Food Blender
Because the regular, adult-sized blender that you've been using for years just won't do!

#4. Or even worse, a Baby Bottle Keurig-thing
Because making a bottle from scratch is really pushing it.

#3. We stock our baby's closet full of Baby Clothes
And spend hours organizing all clothes and little outfits until it looks like this...

And this

When in reality, the baby spends 95% of the time in one of these

And you end up lugging clothes worn only once (or not at all!) to Goodwill

#2. We create Luxury Nurseries
Because every baby dreams of sleeping on the set of Antiques Roadshow

We put up satin canopies...

...which will be the first thing the baby tears down.

And paint the walls trendy colors

We use luxurious, adult-like fabrics and prints

And then this happens.

And this...

And this...

#1. We try to be PERFECT Moms

But quickly realize it's just not going to happen...

...And, despite our faults, mistakes and missteps, we eventually figure out that everything's going to be just fine : )