Friday, May 9, 2014

Emotional Health for Parents - Guest Post by Nomi Bachar


As parents, there is nothing more precious to us than our kids. We are willing to sacrifice time, energy, and money to ensure their wellbeing. The big question that haunts us as parents in this day and age is “Why are so many youngsters today, emotionally imbalanced, using drugs, feeling lost, angry and despairing?”
What are we overlooking as parents? What might be our blind spots? These are not easy questions that have easy answers. One fact is undeniable, as parents, we are the role models to our children. And if we don’t take care of our inner and outer wellbeing, they don’t learn to do the same. We have a sacred responsibility to become as balanced and healthy as we can, so that we impart and inspire with our lifestyle and influence our kids.
In short, we can raise our children better and the work starts with us. We must overcome the fact that emotional balance is not yet valued by society and as a result is not taught to our children in schools.  We cannot be expected to fill in this gap since we ourselves did not fully acquire the tools necessary when we were growing up. Thus the cycle continues and we see our children making emotionally unfulfilling choices that we at times feel helpless to solve. What we are passionate about is guiding our children, supporting them, and creating a constructing and fulfilling life.  Let’s start by healing ourselves.
We have all have sets of confining perceptions and beliefs that translate to frozen energetic emotional structures and lead to negative programming. We may not be aware of the limiting programs that are running us (unless we study ourselves), and we may get frustrated and saddened by the fact that we cannot change things we want to change, but it is the inner program that has to change before our lives can begin to change. Misplacing our anger about our inability to change is as ineffective as being frustrated with what’s coming out of a printer; directing your anger at the printer will not change what’s being printed. Instead, we must go to the computer and change the document itself. Once we’ve recognized this misplaced anger and frustration, we can follow these tips to create emotional health within ourselves and as a result in our kids.
The First Step
We need to identify the different voices or aspects within ourselves.  Gates of Power® Method, defines three inner aspects
·         The Emotional Self – the place within ourselves where all emotions reside
·         The Defensive Self – the set of survival / defensive skills we acquired to be able to feel safe and loved
·         The Expanded Self – the part within us that holds our wisdom, intuition, compassion, and highest perspective
Most of us experience inner confusion, conflicts, and emotional discomfort because of lack of unity between these three inner aspects. Our Defensive Self is most of the time the leader or shall we say the “tyrant” repressing our Emotional Self and ignoring our Expanded Self.  It is clear that the Expanded Self should be the leader of the inner team and the real master of our lives. Most of the time it takes work to establish that.
The Second Step
Make the Expanded Self your inner leader. The good news is that every one of us, with no exception, is born with an Expanded Self. No matter how estranged we have become from it, it is always within us. The expanded self has two faces: the witness and the healing guide. One face is only observing—it is pure awareness; the other is actively guiding our journey toward wholeness. Most of us don’t experience life from our Expanded Self. Our Expanded Self is the one who can heal our inner being through the art of inner dialogue. It can heal and support our Emotional Self dissolve and soften our Defensive Self, so that all aspects of the self work together in a constructive, healthy way.
The Third Step
We need to take an active role in healing our emotional self. We must admit and accept that human experience is fraught with different experiences. We tend to interpret some of our hurtful experiences and losses as personal deficiencies. We create a negative sense of self and a negative outlook on life and people. We hide our pain and lack of self-esteem under our Defensive Self, and live a contracted, limited, and at times destructive life. But there is no need to keep ourselves in bondage. Each one of us has unique and meaningful gifts, talents, and capabilities that are meant to be expressed and enjoyed. We are meant to be a contribution to each other. The secret, as I explained before, is acknowledging your Expanded Self and learning to live within its expression and guidelines.
The Fourth Step
I suggest that you take the time to notice when you are operating from your Emotional Self, when you are reacting and acting from your Defensive Self, and when you experience life from your Expanded Self. Become aware of the relationship among these three aspects and teach yourself to be guided by your Expanded Self, since that part possesses your wisdom, insight, and compassion
The Fifth Step
Gates of Power Method identifies seven portals or Gates through which our expression and energy flows. We call them the Seven Gates of Power.
The Seven Gates of power are:
·         The Gate of the Body 
·         The Gate of Emotions
·         The Gate of Dialogue
·         The Gate of Creative Expression
·         The Gate of the Life Path
·         The Gate of Silence
·         The Gate of Knowledge

All these gates are facets of your life and ideally they need to be open, energized, and expressive. Fundamentally, when all three inner aspects work together in unity, led by the Expanded Self, your energy, creativity, and loving nature is naturally expressed through the Seven Gates and you become the person you were meant to be and the one that your kids need you to be.

The process of healing, strengthening, and balancing ourselves takes commitment, time and discipline. Gates of Power Method can help you achieve that.

About the Author:

Nomi Bachar, a holistic spiritual counselor is a self-healing, self-actualization expert and coach. She is the director of White Cedar Institute for Expanded Living LLC and the creator of Gates of Power® Method. She is also the author of Gates of Power: Actualize Your True Self  (Findhorn Press).

To learn more about Nomi Bachar, please visit:

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