Friday, May 27, 2011

Sneaky Peeps

As a mama, I make up a lot of phrases and words.. For example, nap time is called "Seepy Seepy Nap Nap". As soon as I say it, Paige grabs her binky, makes a beeline to the stairs and then to her crib for a nap. This phrase shouldn't be confused with "Seepy Seepy Night Night" which means it's time to start our nighttime routine of bath, storytime and bed. Another phrase is "Poop da Doop" which translates to - Did you poop in your diaper? "Crocodile Rocks" are her Croc shoes that she wears every day. And an all time favorite - "Sneaky Peeps." Sneaky Peeps are the peeps (aka: urine) that sneaks out at unexpected times, like during a diaper change or in the bathtub.

So over the past few days, I've been having some Sneaky Peeps of my own : )  What's worse than having a cold and sneezing every five seconds? How about having a cold when you are 37 weeks prego with a baby sitting on your bladder? OMG - I could deal with the occasional  "incident" when I would laugh too hard or sneeze unexpectedly. But after sneezing 5 times in a row yesterday, my pelvic muscles completely gave up and WOOSH! - sneaky peeps. All over the floor. (I wish I was making this up, but anyone who is or has been prego knows I'm not...) Luckily I was at home and in my bathroom (although not on the toilet) when the sneaky peeps reared their ugly head. And luckily I still have ugly linoleum floors in my master bathroom that are easy to clean and disinfect.

This latest sneaky peeps incident was horrifying. But at least I was alone. The last time something similar happened (but not nearly as voluminous as this incident) was during my last pregnancy. I was driving somewhere with Daniel and we started laughing. Laughing hysterically. And then it happened... I peed. Just a little. But it was enough to soak through my jeans and onto the seat. I immediately stopped laughing and had what I imagine was a shocked/horrified/embarrassed look on my face. Daniel asked what was wrong, and all I could mutter out was, "Ummmmm... I kind of peed." To which Daniel responded, "You peed? Like, in your pants?" And then he looked over at the seat. Without another word, he immediately busted a U-turn towards home. I ran upstairs to shower and change and he cleaned the car. And never was it spoken of again - until now. I can joke about it, but he still isn't allowed to : ) But we did secretly laugh when we sold that car last summer. Oh, the memories!

In other Sneaky Peeps news, I witnessed something truly unnerving this morning. It was 7:30 a.m. and Paige had just woken up. Being the "always thinking about my child's education and enlightenment" mama that I am, I noticed the garbage truck pulling down our street and decided to hold her up to the window so she could watch. We saw them take our neighbor's garbage and put it in the truck. Paige clapped as the garbage disappeared into the truck. And then one garbage man came moseying over to our house while his buddy got the other neighbor's trash. We watched him take off his gloves. Mess around with his pants. And then... OH. MY. GOSH! The garbage man started peeing on our curb!!!! I stood there horrified, still holding Paige up to the window, not sure if I should bang on the window to let him know he was caught or stay silent. I stayed silent - shocked silence. And a few seconds later he zipped up, put his gloves back on, and emptied our garbage into the truck. Paige began to clap. Then he put our garbage can into the middle of our driveway (rather than off to the side where it had been). And I realized he did that so that he wasn't putting our garbage can into his pee puddle (how thoughtful...). And then I thought about how every once in a while I find our garbage can in our driveway rather than at the curb and... EWWWWWWWW! He does this a lot! Our garbage man is a Sneaky Peeper! And I thought our grass wouldn't grow there because of the dogs... PUKE!!!!!!