Friday, October 1, 2010

Poop Happens

TGIF!!! Never thought it would get here, but HALLELUIA, at last it has!

So last week while I was on my death bed (and by "death bed" I really mean "super sick, but more mad/cranky than anything else about the fact that I couldn't eat") something pretty hilarious happened. Now, last year at this time - before I was a mama - I probably would not have seen the humor in this at all. But now it's pretty much the funniest thing that's happened in along time. And it's all about poop. No, not MY poop. Paige's poop : )

So one day last week I was moping around the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and cupboards just to see all the things I couldn't eat thanks to my sore throat. After I tortured myself enough, I sauntered back into the living room where Paige was playing. As I approached Paige, I noticed she was squirming around on her back, kind of rubbing her butt against the floor. When I was finally next to her, she rolled over and I saw a bunch of "mud" on the rug. And I thought to myself - "How in the world did that mud get into the house?!" So finally after a few seconds of pondering the mud, it hit me - it wasn't mud at all! It was POOP!!! (DUH! I know, I know - let's blame my stupidity on the NyQuil...) And not just normal poop - explosive diarrhea poop. The kind that shoots out of the sides of diapers and up the front, back and everywhere in between. Totally grossed out, I raced her up the stairs and put her in the bathtub, clothes and all. Now covered in poop myself from carrying her up the stairs, I jumped in the tub with her. Oh, we were a sorry, sh*tty sight to say the least : ). So as I'm trying desperately to de-poop both of us, I think about the gross mess on the carpet downstairs and how I'm going to clean up the smashed up poo. And then I realized - where was Lenni LuLu (the dog)?! Still in the tub, I screamed for her. I hear her bolt up the stairs, run into the bedroom, then bathroom, and then I see her - licking her chops like she just had a juicy steak! Yes, that's right... Lenni ate the poop. I started dry heaving. By the time I got back downstairs, you almost couldn't even tell where the poop had been - that's how "good" of a job Lenni did on it. I worked for the next 45 minutes scrubbing and disinfecting, just to make sure all the poop (or what was left of it after the "clean up crew") was gone. Then I went upstairs to give Paige a bottle and put her down for bed. Just as she was dozing off, I heard the garage door go up - Daddy's home!!! : ) I put Paige down, and headed downstairs, excited to tell Daniel about the craziness that was the last 2 hours. And as I hit the last few stairs, I saw it - as if it was happening in slow motion... Daniel was bending over, greeting Lenni... and Lenni was LICKING DANIEL'S FACE!!! Yes - that's right - licking him with the same tongue that only 1 hour earlier had eaten Paige's poop! Needless to say I woke Paige up because I was laughing so hard. It was an "almost peed myself, can't breathe, crying my eyes out" kind of laughing. I couldn't even get the words out to tell Daniel what was going on. When I did finally tell him, he wasn't as amused as I was. But I still crack up at the thought of it, even more than a week later. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night laughing about it. It's the little things... : )