What It Means to Be a Mama

A friend of mine wrote this amazing description of what it means to be a Mama... and I just had to share in honor of Mother's Day. How true is it??!!

10 Things I've Learned Since Becoming a Momma

By Christina  DeMott **Dedicated mama of two precious girls - Charlotte (17 months old) and Chessa (in utero)**

"In honor of Mother's Day,  I've decided to share with you some of the wisdom I've learned in my two short years since joining the greatest club ever.  I dedicate this note to all the amazing mommas I know, especially my 3 beautiful mothers Donna, Debbie, and Arlene.  You've taught me to be an incredible mother, never sweat the small stuff, and inspire me to strive everyday."

 1.  There is NOTHING sexier than a man who changes fowl smelling diapers and loves your kid(s). And fellas, forget the romance!  The quickest way to get your wife in the sack is to clean the house, cook dinner, and do a load of laundry (washed, dried, folded and put away thank you).  This method is so effective it's guaranteed to leave even Barry White's head spinning.

 2.  Extreme vigilance doesn't even begin to describe how closely you need to watch your children.  My toddler can  open a box of crayons, decorate the wall, eat half of a crayon and managed to get the other half lodged in the dog's ear in the 15 seconds it takes for me to use the bathroom.  If you think you have it covered with socket plugs, think again.

 3.  Having children breathes new life into holidays.  You will find how unbelievably exciting it is to celebrate Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and even Earth Day when you can see it through the eyes of a child.  We find a way to celebrate almost every holiday in our house, except Ramadan.  Italians. Don't. Fast.

 4.  You appreciate others so much more, especially other mothers.  When you realize that people still have the  ability to be kind to you even though they've only had 4 hours of sleep, spilled coffee on their pants, had a baby vomit on their breakfast, and stepped in a huge pile of dog poop on their way to work; it gives you a new faith in the world.

 5.  You will become political.  Republican, Democrat, Independent, or Green it doesn't matter.  Any decision made by the government that doesn't agree with your child-rearing values will severely piss you off.  Because now, it's not just your future that is riding on their stupidity.

 6.  Hormones.  Seriously one of the scariest products of becoming a mother.  Pre-children, I occasionally got a little  cranky once or twice a month.  Once I became pregnant however and especially after delivery, I probably could have been committed over my madness.  I've drawn blood over a box of chocolates (sorry Dad), threatened to divorce my husband over a game of Scrabble, and wept in the produce isle of Price Chopper (causing quite a scene) over a lack of organic strawberries.  If your family still loves you after that, then you know they'd probably help you bury a body too.

 7.  Keeping your house clean and your kids on a tight schedule might be vital to your sanity, but I expect that to happen like I expect Fabio to show up on my doorstep with cleaning fairies and dinner elves.  The way I see it, it is an impossible mathematical ratio.  My daughter can destroy three rooms in the time it takes me to clean one.  Therefore sanity = dividing by zero.  Just not possible.  Of course it helps to look at the positive.  As long as the Department of Heath isn't threatening to condemn your house and your kids aren't rolling around in feces, you're good!

 8.  There is nothing more terrifying than becoming a mother.  Not because having a child is actually scary, it is the world around you that becomes so. You are now responsible for protecting, educating, loving, and transforming these perfect little creatures into fully functioning adults.  You will constantly doubt yourself, and be up all night  worrying about incredibly stupid scenarios like what to do if a bear breaks into the house.

 9.  You will greatly miss the ability to form fully functional sentences and the rest of your brain power that your children seem to have stolen away.  It seems to me that your brain short circuits with all the massive amounts of information and knowledge required when raising children.  Don't worry though, I've heard some of us do regain the ability to hold an intelligent conversation once the children are much older.

10.  Nothing will prepare you for how much you absolutely adore your children. They will astonish you everyday   with their brilliance, make you laugh, and warm your heart in ways you never even imagined.  You would do anything to protect them. Anything.  It's never a good idea (in any species) to come between a mother and her young.

Through all this, just remember:  if you hit the pillow every night sore, anxious, full of doubt, beyond exhausted yet filled with an exceptional sense of love and joy; you are probably doing everything right.

I Just May be Turning into a Helicopter Mama

I used to love watching scary movies and TV shows - the creepier and more suspenseful, the better. And then I moved into my first apartment by myself after college and realized that watching movies and shows about single females being kidnapped from their apartments, followed off the subway, or having hidden cameras stuck in their air vents by creepy landlords might not be the best way to induce a good night's sleep. Luckily in that first apartment all utilities were included in the rent, so leaving every single light on all night long wasn't problematic (for me at least!).

Since becoming a mama, there is a new type of TV/movie scenario I need to avoid: basically, anything that involves children. Maybe it's the hormones, but it seems like every single show or movie I watch involves children being hurt, abandoned, kidnapped... or worse. And it gives me heart palpitations. I think it just hits too close to home. What used to be sad or troublesome now stays with me for days on end - I can't get those horrible images out of my head and worry about not only the safety of my own children, but every child I know! Yes, I acknowledge this is a little crazy. But it's the truth.

Last week Netflix sent us "Babble" - you know, the 2006 movie with Brad Pitt that was nominated for Best Picture? Neither Daniel or I had seen it, but were excited to watch. Well, it takes a bit of concentration to understand that movie and connect the dots. But I just couldn't do it. Why? Because every storyline involved children being put in harm's way - Moroccan children shooting guns and feeling guilty when an accident happens, US children being taken into Mexico and then left in the desert, and even a teenage girl in Japan with more issues than I can write about here. Every time a new scene started, I was worrying about the children in the last scene. My heart was aching as if they were real people, in a real situation. Last night's Law and Order: SVU involved an abandoned baby - and I almost had to leave the room because it was so heart-wrenching. And you know it's bad when I can't even watch Wonder Pets on Nick Jr. without tearing up at the thought of the Baby Panda not being able to find his Mama.

I guess it's because I have a new perspective since becoming a mother - I now feel the constant need to protect, defend and nurture babies and children. It's not out of left field for mamas to feel this way, but I never thought it would hit me so hard. I definitely think it's magnified by the hormones, but I have serious visions of becoming a Helicopter Mom - hoovering over my child's every move to keep them safe and protected. I always knew I would be a tad bit overprotective. That was a given. But I think it has taken on new form. Miss Paige was playing in one of those Fisher-Price cars the other day and my mind immediately jumped 15 years ahead, to when she is driving a real car. And even though I have a decade and a half to prepare myself, it's terrifying to think of my baby out on her own. Phew... I'm getting myself in a tizzy just writing about it : )

And so, it is with new perspective on what it means to conceive, carry and raise a baby from infancy that I must now declare: Miss Paige, you will live at home forever. With mommy and daddy. And your little brother. And if necessary, we may become Amish. Or people who live in a tent in the woods.Or I may deem it necessary to form a family band - a la The Partridge Family - so we will be forced to be together forever (contractually, legally binding of course - for the sake of the band).

Just kidding... kind of : )

Mooo Mooo Cow Phase

I've officially entered the cow phase of pregnancy. You know - that point at about 33-34 weeks when you are so large you feel like you can no longer walk, breathe, sleep or function normally. And no matter how small you start out, I'm pretty sure that at this point every mama feels like any day now, she may just start Mooing. I've created a list of clues you may be entering the Cow Phase of pregnancy...

1. You feel like there is never enough space for you in the bed and regulate your husband to the very edge of the mattress so you can fully expand your legs and arms in any position you deem comfortable at the moment. You may start to take up residence in the guest room just to have the bed to yourself.
2. Your lungs are so smushed inside your chest cavity that even the slightest of movements cause you to get winded. Going up and down the stairs is reserved only for emergencies.
3. Your boobs begin to resemble utters. Enough said.
4. You have to adjust the seat in your car too allow for extra room between your belly and the steering wheel.
5. You thank God daily that you can no longer see past your belly, because between your swollen feet and the massive cankles, it's a blessing they are hidden from your view.
6. You decide that no one in the world has it as bad as you. Especially your husband. And if he tries to complain about ANYTHING, you quickly remind him of your aching va-jay-jay, back and hip joints. And then throw in a "You can never understand because you are a MAN!" just for good measure.
7. You check pregnancy-related websites daily to see if what you are feeling could signify impending labor, how early it would be safe for your baby to arrive, and secretly research ways to naturally induce labor because you are pretty much DONEZO with being prego.
8. Feeling irritable is an understatement.
9. Wearing prints is out of the question, as a tiny flower suddenly turns into a rose garden as it stretches across your belly. Words and images become unidentifiable as a good third of the design gets sucked into the crease between your boobs and belly.
10. You wonder if sitting in a kiddie pool, in your backyard, by yourself, for hours on end is appropriate. You decide you don't care what other people think, and do it anyway.